Everyone in the world
Should get a chihuahua
From the government, totally free
Because when they all die
We’ll all understand
How much better life is when dog-free.
Tag Archives: poems
Sincerely, Educated White Dudes
I’m not much of a gangster
And I’m not a street-smart guy
So can anyone enlighten me
How so much gets you high?
For example, bath salts
And keyboard cleaner cans
Made someone want to sniff them
And promptly earned their bans…
Who are the people purchasing
And sniffing random goods
To see if something in them
Makes them feel different moods?
And if it’s not trial and error
But some scientific knowledge
That tells you what’s worth selling
On the street to pay for college
Then why aren’t people using
This backroom chemical expertise
To make it so the methheads
Can unabashedly say “cheese”?
Filed under Poems
El Haiku Mucho Bueno
Burritos are great;
They put smiles on your face
And songs in your butt.
The Future Is Now
I write an essay for my class
Using ChatGPT.
The AI-checker software says
It was written by me.
But I write a post on Facebook
That includes the phrase, “The Jews”
And I get called a Russian bot
And scolded on the news.
Filed under Poems
When You Hit 18, That’s When You Buy A New One
If your underwear
Doesn’t have at least nine holes
You might be a chick
Filed under Poems
Karaoke
Somewhere in Japan
Somebody hired a band
But the singer didn’t show up for the thing
So the others hatched a plan
That the world considered grand:
They’d make the audience get up and sing.
The result, as you’d expect
Was not a pretty song
But a bunch of office workers all off-key.
The band all stood erect
As everything went wrong
And now this is a favorite globally.
Filed under Poems
Girls Just LOVE Exfoliating
My forehead is sunburnt
And peeling a bit.
My wife, for some reason,
Is playing with it,
Peeling my flesh off
With childish glee
And I love that I found someone
Weirder than me.
Filed under Poems
Vacation, Part VIII (Regret)
I am home at last!
If you read my last six posts
There’s no secret code.
Filed under Poems
Vacation, Part VII
I am home today.
My gators ate well last week.
Should have read part five…
Filed under Poems
Vacation, Part VI
Have you ever looked
Straight into the setting sun
And thought, “I am dumb”?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 