Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
Explain in 500 words
Why you should chop off your penis.
Tag Archives: Poetry
Gun Control Logic Be Like…
There once was a gal in a chair
Who got stabbed while she sat there.
We then rightly deduced
Murders can be reduced
By banning all sitting. Sound fair?
Filed under Poems
Sympathetic Villains
I want a government run by puppies.
If you want that as well
Let’s team up and kill six-billion folks
And make the world more swell.
Filed under Poems
21st Century Love
Learning CPR
To kiss choking folks for free
Still beats dating apps.
Filed under Poems
The Slow Learner
School is super awesome
‘Cause you get to go to class
And get yelled at by the teacher
‘Cause you’re super full of sass
And you get to ride a yellow bus
And eat mystery meat
In a gym full of 400 kids
And 800 smelly feet.
You get to learn a lot of stuff
Like math and reading books
And people whisper behind your back
And give you funny looks
And they legally can’t kick you out
If you try hard not to pass
And yes, I’m 48-years-old
And never late for class.
Filed under Poems
Kitty Says…
I brought them a gift.
It flew off and bit their kid.
I’m the goodest boy.
No Fire Breath Required
Soon the dragons will come returning
And watch our nations burn and fall
And say, “My goodness, look at them go!
“Guess they didn’t need us after all.”
Filed under Poems
Listening Is Hard
“What do you want for your birthday?”
So many have asked this of me,
Yet I still have zero doomsday devices
And seventy-two graphic tees…
Filed under Poems
Marriage Means Always Discovering New Things
Today I discovered
That farting into the air purifier
Makes the lights go red
And the fans go brrrrrrr.
Today my wife discovered
That she made a terrible mistake
By not saving her farts
Until she was closer to the air purifier.
#Love
Filed under Poems
How The Mighty Have Fallen
Remember when Pixar had a lamp
That hopped up and down on the “I”?
Now it just asks the “I” for its pronouns
Before movies that don’t make me cry.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 