FedEx guy in California
Has a job that’s really tough:
He sits inside a warehouse
That contains my purchased stuff.
The tracking number tells him
It needs to ship today
But he’s busy playing Solitaire
So my stuff will have to stay.
Tag Archives: Poetry
Just Do Something!
I have started many a poem
Upon this empty screen
And deleted many an opening line
Never again to be seen,
Censored preemptively many a thought
And pitilessly pruned prose
And yet still end up with something like this,
Illustrating how much writing goes.
Filed under Poems
We Returned It Twice, But He Keeps Insisting…
Big fat fluffy cat
Thinks our Amazon wish list
Includes a dead bird
Filed under Poems
Win-Win
If we throw the politicians
Into the holy volcano of K’raxx’iss
We’ll either ensure a bountiful harvest
Or pay a lot less in taxes.
Filed under Poems
Share This With Anyone Who Disses Your Business Idea
Styrofoam peanuts
Plus some sugar and orange paint:
Still in business how?
Filed under Poems
Solving The Hunger Crisis One Innovation At A Time
In the future you’ll go to buy groceries
And the checkout robot will ask
To confirm that you are human
By completing a simple task:
Enter your username and password
And a random six-digit code
That was transmitted to your brain chip
From the authenticator node
Except your authenticator
Got a security update
That prevents your internal keyboard
From typing the number “8”
So you pause your grocery buying
And call the password reset guy
Which is just another robot
And you check “yes” to die.
Filed under Poems
Fashion Advice For Men
Nothing says “Stud” like
Wearing a Hawaiian shirt
With a sweater vest
The End Of Summer
Back to school is near…
Then, when kids are back in class
Pumpkin spice returns.
Filed under Poems
Mama… Dada…****ing **** ******* in a ****** Puddle
If we make all words
Inappropriate to say
Kids will talk at birth.
Filed under Poems
TL;DR — Game of Thrones
There once was a powerhouse show
About dragons and some dude called Snow.
It ran for eight seasons
But for several reasons
We don’t talk about it no mo’.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 