I almost paid 500 dollars
To a pair of thugs in leather collars
For a bag of powder from a vault
That turned out to be garlic salt.
But alas, I’d no such luck;
They didn’t a single buck.
Instead they made me walk away
With tickets to the WNBA.
I almost paid 500 dollars
To a pair of thugs in leather collars
For a bag of powder from a vault
That turned out to be garlic salt.
But alas, I’d no such luck;
They didn’t a single buck.
Instead they made me walk away
With tickets to the WNBA.
Filed under Poems
They should clone Queen Elizabeth
14 billion times
So we can all have immortal bodyguards…
It’s true and it rhymes!
Filed under Poems
There once was a Peruvian prince
Who wore a gold pair of nez pince.
He said “I have seen
“Info about Jeff Epstein,”
And no one has heard from him since…
Filed under Poems
The Genie asked, “What’s your last wish?”
I said, “I wanna fly!”
It got eaten by a frog
And now I enunciate more clearly.
Filed under Poems
Some people are happy to be born in July
But I say those people are wrong;
Objectively, a January birthday is the best
‘Cause then you don’t have to wait as long.
No one will evacuate
For Hurricane Irma or Steve.
Those aren’t the type of names
That make Floridians leave.
I think we need more hurricanes
Like Hurricane Buried Alive,
Hurricane Dirt-On-The-Clintons,
Or Hurricane Black-Guy-High-Five.
Filed under Poems
They said they found the car for me,
Right in my price range.
A week later I totaled it
When I got an oil change.
Filed under Poems
Some people just are lucky
By their nature it would seem,
Like take my Muslim buddy
Who I fondly call Kareem…
He fought against America
And lost both legs in the war
And now he wastes no money
Buying ladders anymore!
Or take my buddy La’Kwon
Who is bald and five-foot-three
And every February
His Valentine’s dinner is free!
Some people get to camp for free
300 days a year.
Others have no eyeballs
And they never shed a tear.
Some folks are hard of hearing
And don’t have to wear a mask
And all I can say is “I am fine,
“Whyever do you ask?”
Filed under Poems
I went through a stage when I was an actor.
I think the hole in the floor was a factor.
The said “Break a leg,” so I did obey.
Now I have my own cast I don’t have to pay!
Filed under Poems