Tomorrow I’ll wake up at five in the morning
And sit in a cramped airplane seat
To fly to a place where sinning is rampant
And I’ll probably melt in the heat.
I’m very excited and honored and blessed
And I don’t want to sound like a jerk
But I feel I’ve been lied to when somebody said
“It’s great when you travel for work.”
Filed under Poems
There once was a female spouse
Who said “Hi” as I came in the house.
She told me her stories,
Her pains, and her glories,
And now I need to write a poem before I go to bed… ouse.
Filed under Poems
Have you ever tried fried brain?
It can be a real strain
But better in your skull than to
Be served upon a plate to you.
I have a fried brain right now
And an IQ comparable to a cow
And to avoid having the IQ of a sheep
I bid you adieu and falleth asleep.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes I look at my sweetheart
And my heart is warm like bread
And thoughts of love and comfy things
Run havoc in my head
And sometimes when I look at her
My heart smells like Spring rain
And an emptiness like midnight
Takes refuge in my brain.
When she sees me staring
And she asks, “What’s on your mind”
I look up from where I was staring
(FYI, that’s her behind)
And with all that warmth and wetness
My soul screams “Yes Yes Yes!”
But then my lips betray me
And I say “Uh, sports I guess?”
Filed under Poems
Her hair was coquelicot.
Her eyes were smaragdine.
Now my heart is glaucous
And not incarnadine
For a man of caput mortuum skin
Made her glow like elephant’s breath
And I smolder like exuberance
And wish for sudden death.
For those so inclined: https://www.color-meanings.com/worst-named-colors/
Filed under Poems
Thank you for calling the Federal Gov,
The people who rule you and speak from above.
We’re using your tax dollars to be on our break
So please wait seven hours. Your freedom’s at stake.
Filed under Poems
Everybody tells me that he’s poison
And is blood is made of boiling gasoline.
He’s never loved anybody more than himself
And he’s a barrel-chested killing machine.
He eats a baby bunny for his breakfast.
He’s got Bambi’s mommy mounted on the wall.
He’s a runner and a gunner and a scoundrel
And like OMG, I hope he’s six feet tall!
Filed under Poems
Bands will play their marches
And choirs sing their hymns
And jazzers swing their two-five-ones
And rockers take their stims
And orchestras will pizzicato
While dancers strike a pose
But what you just did on that stage
Managed to be none of those…
Filed under Poems
There once was a multilingual green owl
Whose temper had grown fully foul.
He said “Practice your French!”
As he pulled out a wrench
Then watched me spell “vingt” with a scowl.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 