I spent the morning puking
Than had a headache linger
Then had a crazy workday
As life gave me the finger.
And as my eyes began to bleed
And all my hair turned gray
All I worried about was if
I wrote a travesty yesterday.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Found In A Jock’s First Aid Manual
Examine the location
Of your injured body part.
Elevate it to a place
That is up above your heart.
Then wait as you remember saying
“Technical writing’s a crappy job.”
Be careful who you tease in high school.
Good luck! Yours truly, Bob.
Filed under Poems
Snow Days
Today I tried to do nothing.
I stayed in bed all day.
I didn’t eat or drink or poop
Or breathe or sweat or pray.
I avoided salivating
And I didn’t leave my room.
I didn’t shower so my odor
Now surrounds me in a plume.
I didn’t read or watch TV.
I didn’t surf the net.
I did not look out the window
And I didn’t feed my pet.
I neglected all life’s naggings
And engaged in nary a vice
And if tomorrow’s snowy also,
Well, I just might do it twice!
Filed under Poems
When 11 Just Aren’t Cutting It
Sometimes in our busy lives
The screaming kids and missing socks
Distract us from our due worship
Of our beloved Seattle ‘Hawks.
And so as Rodgers tossed the ball
Three downs into the third
The socks and kids conspired
Against the Northwest’s bird.
The Hawks restores our shattered hopes
A dozen micro-plays from there
When Hauschka’s kick from 28
Soared for 3 through frigid air.
The Packers missed a field goal kick
And took a penalty for 15. It
Will no longer please me writing this
‘Cause the rest of the game was shit.
Wilson threw like the guy by you
Who thinks he could throw better.
The interceptions just kept coming
And our eyes kept growing wetter.
Into this devestations causes
I dare not think to delve.
I can only say it’s all your fault.
Next time be a better twelve.
After Writing This I Actually Checked Amazon (Just In Case)
Guitar housemate is playing
Resounding evening chords
That resonate throughout the house
And shake its very boards.
Guitar housemate
Will suffer at a later time
Thanks to my new “grow your own giant roach” kit
And 2-day shipping from Amazon Prime.
Filed under Poems
But The Beards Would Be… Sorta Okay?
If everyone were just like me
The world would fall apart.
There’d be a passive love of science
But in practice only art.
There’d be a lot of people
Who don’t care what’s thought of them
When they’re writing crummy poems
At 10:08 PM.
There would be no magicians
(Or at least that are any good)
But everyone’s intentions
Would be perfectly understood.
If everyone were just like me
Very little would get done
But we’d be the best looking clones since Star Wars
And we’d have lots of understated fun.
Filed under Poems
Alright… One. You Got Me.
I wanted to go
To the movies with you.
You couldn’t go
But that wouldn’t do
So I dressed like one person
Pretending to be two.
It was pretty fun.
The guy at the window
Sold me two passes
Despite recognizing
I wasn’t two lasses.
The tickets saw through my ploy
Like X-ray glasses:
Both of them said “Admit One.”
They Did 9-11, I Promise
You don’t often hear stories
About giant sea cucumbers
Who dabble in intrigue
And paint by numbers.
You don’t hear the stories
Of the cukes of the night,
But they’re real. One day
You’ll see that I’m right…
Filed under Poems
Hunting, To Some
A little bird called me cheap
So I murdered it,
Not because it called me cheap
But because I’m an asshole.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 