Today is the day
The trees come inside
And the children go out
In the ice and the snow.*
Why we bring in trees
Is a mystery to me
And why we take back the kids
I don’t rightfully know.
*If you looked at this asterisk
You may not be from Minnesota
Tag Archives: Postaday
Yes, I’m White. Why Do You Ask?
I played some Chinese checkers
And no one batted an eye.
I enjoyed some Chinese chess
And no one asked me why.
I played some Chinese backgammon
And still they let me enter
But you play Chinese Russian Roulette
And they throw you out of the Chinese cultural center.
Filed under Poems
Face It… You Messed Up
I hired a plastic surgeon…
What a travesty! Where to begin?
Next time that I need fixing
I’ll pick a surgeon made of skin.
Filed under Poems
And It Was On Sale Too!
Sometimes its hard
To find gifts for a friend,
But this week I stumbled
On the be all and end.
I’ve a friend with a fetish
For girls who’ve petite,
Dainty, smooth, delicate,
And sensual feet.
I bought him a 35-inch
Yardstick, which I think is neat
Because he will enjoy
The three unusually-small feet.
Filed under Poems
What Happened To The Elder Gods, Vol. 1
A chicken divine
Made entirely of gold
With a mind to cure cancer
And which never gets old
That makes a girl fall in love
And a man squeal like a dork
Looks as lovely as can be
As I stab it with my fork.
Filed under Poems
All My Friends Disserted Me (The Modern Woe Of PhDs)
If you want to seem intelligent
Valediction of erudition
Is phermonically aleviated
By trepidation vis a cognition.
In the circumstance of dereliction
Of your vocabulative varelse
You may query my acquaintance
Or acquaint with someone else.
Filed under Poems
Wait For It
I thought the play was boring,
So trite and lacking plot
Yet all the other audience
Was liking it a lot.
The outrage came at halftime
When Godeau arrived at last
And everybody left in a huff
Including all the cast.
Godeau to me apologized
For being many decades late
And together we wrote a play
That non-artsy folks won’t hate.
It’s coming to a theatre
Near you and you should go
But waiting for performance dates
Is much like waiting for Godeau.
Filed under Poems
Devil’s Advocate, Nuptial Parity Edition
A first drink or a first date
Can be first love or likewise hate.
A first kiss or first fight
Are blackness deep and endless light.
A first dance as man and wife
Will give you joy for all your life
Unless man/man or woman/woman you’re.
Then you’ll complain about this poem for sure.
Filed under Poems
What My Mother Tells Me
When you have to stay up late
Because you’ve got a flight
You can forget until 11:56
To write your poem tonight.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 