Tuesday night at 10:05
She texted “are you up?”
Tuesday night at 10:16
I cleverly sent back “yup.”
Wednesday morning, 4:08
She wrote me back “me too.”
I heard she found a new “BF,”
And I honestly pity the foo’.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Good Advice From Video Games
Do you feel worthless,
Hateful and depressed?
Does even going to sleep
Make you feel stressed?
Do you ever think of ending
Your life, which turned out shoddy?
If you do, let someone know
So they can loot your body.
Filed under Poems
Playtime’s Over
Tiny white flakes
Fall past my window
Onto the sidewalk,
Each one unique,
Their lives so short.
Those kids got what they deserved
For early morning bed-jumping
With the window open.
Filed under Poems
Small Talk 1.0
If you want to agree with a stranger
Say “What a beautiful day.”
If you want to argue with a stranger
Say “I think both parties are okay.”
If you don’t feel like talking
Say “What’s that?” And run away.
(If you’re a woman in a bar
You can also say “I’m gay.”)
And if all else fails,
Dead’s a good thing to play.
Filed under Poems
Why Don’t Plants Move?
I used to know
Why plants didn’t move.
About it I used to sing,
But now I’m confused
Because chlorophyll
And chloroform aren’t the same thing.
Filed under Poems
Not The Adventurous Sort
If I could be any animal
For just a single day
I would be a human
‘Cause right now my life’s ok.
Filed under Poems
One Of Those Times
Brute strength can’t do everything.
Stamina has limits.
Despite how hard you try
Not every couplet rhymes.
You can lose your focus.
You can lose your mind.
Life might not gives you lemons,
And maybe not even limes.
Sometimes you write two stanzas
Before you realize
That you have no conclusion.
But you don’t want to erase.
Sometimes you write “you”
When referring to yourself.
Next time you write this poem
Instead use “what’s your face.”
Filed under Poems
Donald Trump, Millennial
Don’t blame me for staying inside.
It isn’t an attempt to hide.
I’m not opposed to wind or sleet,
Nor do I have tired feet.
I’m not a hermit. I have friends
And ways of meeting all the ends.
I’m neither strange nor bizarre
If I’d rather not go to a bar.
I have my needs (I am a guy).
A wife would be great, but I’ve got Wi-Fi.
I don’t stay in ’cause I’m afraid
Of getting shot or not getting laid.
I stay inside because out there
People laugh about my hair.
Filed under Poems
Two Weeks To Go…
I expect Yoda’ve heard by know
About an awakening in the force.
I hope it doesn’t take after sand,
Getting everywhere, rough and coarse.
This film will be our only hope
No matter how you Luke at it
To see if a stormtrooper main character
Can manage to make a hit.
I’ll be Red 7 standing by,
Not getting forty winks
To see if JJ Abrams
Gets nicknamed JJ Binks.
And so, though there’s two weeks to go
This poet’s had mesa some funs.
Now this poem’s Finn-ished
And I’ll Leia’ff the puns.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 
NFL Commentary
How do you like those Animals?
They’ve got grit and size and speed.
Getting the ball from the QB’s hands
To the receiver’s what they need.
They’ve got guys who make a difference,
They’re just as strong as they seem,
And I think they’ll be successful
If they score more than the other team.
Rate this:
Share this:
Leave a comment
Filed under Poems
Tagged as Commentary, Football, Good Advice, Humor, Parody, Poetry, Postaday, Sports