‘Twas two days before Christmas
And off at the mall
Were all of the husbands
Who dropped the gift ball.
Tag Archives: Postaday
The Plastic Skeleton’s Other 11 Months
I am a man without skin.
There’s nothing to keep my guts in.
And yet somehow I lived on,
Quite at home on somebody’s lawn.
Then one day the world went black.
They put me in the basement and didn’t look back.
Now my place on the grass has a penguin instead.
There’s some deer on the roof and a weirdly-shaped sled.
But I know when the snow is gone,
When leaves fall on the golden lawn
I’ll be back to rule the night.
Until then, I’ll be alright.
Filed under Poems
Winter is Coming
Oh you’d better watch out.
You probably will die.
You slept with your sister,
Not gonna lie.
Game of Thrones is coming to town.
You’ve finished the season
And now you must wait.
Don’t lose your head…
Oops, too late.
Game of Thrones is coming to town.
The characters are creepy.
The show keeps you awake.
They’ll kill off eveyone you like,
So like Joffrey for all our sakes.
I Write From Experience
If you feel lonely,
Forgotten and blue,
Put a cat in your profile pic
And everyone loves you.
Filed under Poems
Men’s Studies
I want to understand people.
I want them to make sense,
But I don’t like psychology.
I took women’s studies classes.
I took men’s studies too,
But those ones they called “history.”
Filed under Poems
Mercy and Reason
I can understand the fear
Of Muslims, guns, and thugs.
I see we people punish
Those who sell illegal drugs.
Despite my understanding,
I can’t support the death penalty
Unless you spoil “The Force Awakens,”
In which case it’s fine with me.
Filed under Poems
What The News Won’t Tell You
Mass media provides
A service in which they
Share public information
Of what happens every day.
But the news is not reliable
To show an uncomfortable scoop
Like the hundreds of would-be bombers
Who thought “nah, I gotta poop.”
No matter how they try
And no matter how they zoom
Cameras never show a person
Standing in an empty room.
They won’t report this poem
On MSNBC.
They won’t tell other countries
About you, him, her, and me.
So I spend time on Facebook
‘Cause the news is relevant there
Until I see pics my friend’s friend liked
And then even I don’t care.
Filed under Poems
New Releases, Same As The Old Releases
The plots of every video game
Turn out to be exactly the same:
An underdog becomes more skilled
Until the villain can be killed.
I created a game of my own
That you can play without a phone
In which a group of Demon Lords
Present you with various rewards.
Some give freedom, some give wealth.
Some guarantee you perfect health.
Some will make the world at peace
Or let you meet the cast of “Grease.”
Your character has just one year
(Minus time for sleeping, work, and beer)
To help your choice of Demon Lord
Get the power to give you your reward.
And after all is said and done
Whichever Demon eventually won
Will not give you what they said.
They’ll do what’s best for them instead.
How many of you think “sounds like fun?”
Oh really? I guess that’s no one…
The name of the game is Election Day.
It’s coming in November to the USA.
Symbolism
All good things have symbols,
Logos, and/or icons.
The golden M is Micky D’s.
The word”Nikon” is Nikon’s.
Now this is great for products
And for things you buy and sell,
But have you once considered
Other ways this works well?
Take a dollar symbol,
Which stands for money that we make.
Have you ever noticed
That it’s a pole-dancing snake?
Or how about the three curved lines
That indicate Wi-Fi.
They’re nothing but a magic drill
Descending from the sky.
What’s a symbol for your workplace?
A necktie does the trick
Because it’s both a hangman’s noose
And an arrow towards someone’s dick.
If I were a symbol
I’d be this guy: & Yup.
(I originally wanted to be an 8
But some artist messed up).
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 