I met an old man born in 1919,
A genuine centenarian.
He was burdened with many a bag
So I helped the man with some carryin’.
His bags were filled with red cabbage
And I asked “Are you vegetarian?”
Turns out he fought in World War II;
He was a veteran aryan.
Filed under Poems
I’m my softball league’s head chef;
For optimal nutrition
I like to make a Bundt cake
To get guys in a scoring position.
Filed under Poems
Please keep the word mum
‘Cause I did something dumb:
I ordered a clock.
Now at my door, a knock!
I fear my time has come…
Filed under Poems
I once knew a shepherd named Sadie
Whose business was just a touch shady.
She had 79 sheep
When she went to sleep
Then she rounded them up and had 80.
Filed under Poems
An Ancient Greek found trousers
With holes torn in the knees.
He held them up for passers-by
Asking, “Euripides?”
Filed under Poems
A while ago I wrote a poem
About how to be your own son.
Recently, through Jesus,
I wrote another one:
If you are a grandfather
Of your son’s male offspring
I’m happy to report that you
Can do an exciting thing…
If your son joins the clergy
As a Presbyterian
And you go to his church
Your grandkid is your Father’s son.
Filed under Poems
Warlords might not be
The sensitive type,
Not ones to use shampoo
Or lotions,
But they’re a lot better
Than pacifists
Who are racist
Against certain oceans.
Filed under Poems
When I discovered my gender-neutral parent
Was not my biological dad
I realized it was quite the faux pa.
Yes, this poem is bad.
Filed under Poems
It might mean very different things
When I say to my girlfriend
“I still can’t understand you,”
Followed by: “Come again?”
Filed under Poems
I went to the zoo.
There was only one dog there.
It was a shih tzu.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 