Women live longer
Than men, this is true,
But how many women
Say “I’d die for you”?
Men on the other hand
Say it a lot,
So men must die younger
‘Cause women are hot.
Tag Archives: Relationships
Five-Year Plan (Updated)
There’s a little yellow house
With tulips in the yard,
Home to a pair of dreamers
And an angel on the way.
One of them’s a teacher.
Her husband is a bard
Who sits at a computer
Making problems go away.
The echo from a timeless love
A love that first began
When she asked him to talk about
His “perfect five-year plan.”
There’s a little library
Inside that yellow house,
A studio where students come
To learn the clarinet,
A kitchen big enough to please
The more attractive spouse,
And two young hearts forevermore
As full as they can get.
They’re thinking of the day he said
“I want to be your man,”
The first of many steps within
His perfect five-year plan.
You’ll never hear a hateful word
Be spoken bu them there.
They never let an apple sit
On any empty chair.
They smile at every photograph
Hung on the family wall,
But they won’t say what happens when
The captain comes to call.
And when the five year plan was done
And the house was home to four
He’d renew the five-year plan
Another lifetime more.
But there’s a little yellow house,
For-sale sign on the lawn.
It never was the home for them
The bard had counted on.
Turns out a five-year plan for two
Won’t work with only one
No matter how much someone cries
When they know that it’s done.
The perfect lifelong five-year plan
In three months was complete,
But when you love someone that much
You can’t call it defeat.
The sun still shines, the waves still crash,
There’s still a dusk and dawn.
The leaves are green, the rain is wet,
His eyes are nearly clear.
Just like the clouds that once were grey,
His heart is moving on
From yellow houses, unborn kids,
The teacher, and his fear.
The one thing he won’t leave behind
And knows he never can
Are memories that came to life
Thanks to a five-year plan.
Filed under Poems
Before Chad And Karen, There Was This Guy
Just because his name is Curtis
Doesn’t mean that he is curt.
Just because her name is Cindy
Doesn’t mean that she’s a sinner.
Just because my name is Dick
Doesn’t mean I feelings hurt.
Now where, my wifey dearest,
Is my mother****ing dinner?
Filed under Poems
Worth Waiting For
One day a boy was throwing stones
At nothing in the wood
When he struck the belly of
A creature pure and good,
A unicorn of golden mane,
A thing so unexpected
He hardly knew what he could do
The moment they connected.
He knew just what the creature was,
For one cannot mistake
A unicorn for something plain,
An angel for a rake.
He laid his hands upon it
And for some time they were one
Until the moon had passed ahead,
The herald of the sun.
And when the boy had fallen
Into sleep, as boys must do,
The unicorn turned to the North
And took a step, then two,
And when the boy awoke again
His heart was full of light
As he looked for where the unicorn
Had cantered in the night.
At first he was uncertain,
Even fearful in his thought
For wherever he went looking
There the unicorn was not.
To chase it would be folly;
To lose it would be doom;
So he made himself be visible
And gave it lots of room.
He smiled while he waited
‘Til the smile hurt his face,
Then he cried and laughed alternately
And prayed aloud for grace.
The boy is waiting as we sleep,
For sleep we all must do,
Until he hears the hooves again
Come Southward, one, then two.
Filed under Poems
When The Kisses Miss The Missus
When you refuse my kiss
I feel something’s amiss.
When you deny my peck
I think “What the heck?”
When you dodge my caress
I feel some duress.
When you deny being osculated
I feel emosculated.
Filed under Poems
Ordinary Life
The hours we spent painting gnome houses
And the hours we spent playing games
And the meals and walking
And laughing and talking
And whispering each others’ names,
The hour we spent after bedtime
Just wrapped in each other, in love,
And the sweet half an hour
That I was your tower
And your lips glowed from starlight above,
A greeting, a morning, a breakfast, adventure,
The downtime, the party, the kiss:
I cannot be lonely when you are my only;
No time was spent better than this.
Filed under Poems
For Sunflower
I love you, my sunshine,
My sniffer of books,
For more than your laughter
And stunning good looks.
I love you for doubting,
Examining life,
For wanting to be my
Spectacular wife.
I love you for giving
With no hint of greed.
You’re all that I want
And more than I need.
I love you for being
The woman you are:
A dreamer, a doer,
A fighter, a star.
Filed under Poems
When She Doesn’t Approve Of Your Job
Work was hard to come by
So I became an exorcist.
Alas, this happy story
Comes with a bitter twist:
I sent unwanted spirits
From this world and set them free,
But my girl, who died in high school,
Called me rude and ghosted me.
Filed under Poems
Why The Unicorns Left
She grew up in the forest
And learned to talk to trees
By singing with the birds of prey
And dancing with the bees.
She trained to be a hunter
From the day that she was born.
She dreamt she’d be the first to find
The mythic unicorn.
She found black stallions, powerful,
And pegasus in white,
Beasts that pulled the wagon far
And those who bore a knight.
She found horses of the sea
And horses tame and wild,
And yesterday her dream came true
And found it bright and mild:
The unicorn! Resplendent
In shades of gold and blue,
With a horn that shone like rainbows
And eyes of emerald hue.
She gazed upon the creature
And stroked its noble head
Then noticed it was unemployed
And rode a mule instead.
Filed under Poems
Forever Mine
I’m not afraid to make it known
I want this more than you.
I want to find a partner
Who is loyal, kind, and true.
I only want to have one talk,
A talk that never ends,
And to be more than lovers:
To be two forever friends.
I want you to have my kids,
To raise, protect, and feed.
I want to be your every want
And fill your every need.
I want to text you memes at night,
House hunt with you on Zillow,
And when we are a world apart
To smell you on my pillow.
Tonight and every night from now
I’ll wish upon a star
And ask whatever gods may be
To show me who you are.
Until the stars or gods or fate
Fulfill this wish of mine
I’ll work to be the man you want
To call “Forever Mine.”
The Daily Travesty 