When I win a Nobel prize
For literature someday
And it comes time for me to speak
I know just what I’ll say:
I’ll thank my one Y chromosome,
And the reason that I’m citing
Is if I’d been born with boobs
I’d have never started writing.
Tag Archives: Short
IT 2021
There once was a bug in my code
And my whole computer it slowed,
But I’ve learned from the biz
To just sell it as is
Then charge more for a fast-working mode.
Filed under Poems
If You Don’t Remember “Hang Up The Phone, I Need To Yahoo Search Something,” You’re Too Young To Get This Poem
One low buzz, eleven beep-boop
Ba-ba-ba beeps
Then six seconds of static
That gives you the creeps,
Then the death metal chorus
Played on a child’s toy
And the internet is yours to use.
Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!
Filed under Poems
Unfair Practice
Back when I was an athlete
In high school, I was late
To almost every practice
Which didn’t turn out great.
Coach made me do pushups,
Which would normally be fair
Except my father was the coach
And he’s the one who drove me there.
Filed under Poems
The New American Dream
Anti-racism
Is when white people
Protest against white people
For being white.
Filed under Poems
Ordinary Things Can Be Special Too
Somewhere near you
There’s a puppy in a blanket,
A warm spot of sunlight,
A bright blooming flower.
You may never see them,
But still you are blessed
Because to look for them
Is your special power.
Filed under Poems
The FBI Limerick
There once was a [redacted] from [redacted]
Who really [redacted] with [redacted].
He [redacted] one day
In a [redacted] way
And [redacted] [redacted] his anus.
Filed under Poems
Graphic Design 101
I saw something today and thought
“I need to investigate
“Why the stripes on the gay pride flag
“Are always entirely straight.”
Filed under Poems
Where BLM and the Dictionary Meet
A riot is when you’re angry
So you burn and steal money.
A riot’s also when you laugh
Because something is funny.
Filed under Poems
Which Came First?
The chicken pulled a cigarette
From somewhere in the hay
Then sat beside a little egg
Which it did just lay.
Then the chicken leaned in close
With grace much like a dancer
And whispered, sultry, to the egg
“I guess we have an answer!”
Filed under Poems
