Every day I help people with technical trouble,
Decked out in my polo and three-day neck stubble.
I cycle the power to show them I care
And write “Problem exists between keyboard and chair.”
Tag Archives: Short
Thinking Ahead
Today I want to teach you
How to preemptively retort:
This poem is like your penis
So you can’t complain it’s short.
Filed under Poems
If “Breaking Bad” Starred An English Teacher
I was feeling very upset
Because I was a spammer
And all my emails were ignored
Because my targets had bad grammar.
My mother tried to comfort me…
She sat me in a chair
And patted my back and told me
“Itll bee all right. Their they’re.”
Filed under Poems
Holy Sheeeeeee…
Somewhere there’s a holy cow
In a field where you can stroke it
That gives a little holy “moo”
Whenever you invoke it.
Behind it is a steaming mound
Of what was once it’s dinner.
As for who folks invoke more?
I think we have a winner!
Filed under Poems
Wind Chimes
Sometime in the distant past
Somebody’s wife I suppose
Decided to hang a bunch of pipes
So whenever the wind blows
It makes the sound of a little kid
Assaulting a glockenspiel
And she sold these things for thirty bucks
And I don’t know how I feel…*
*That’s a lie. I love them. They are wonderful.
The Power Of Syllabic Symmetry And Meter In Modern Poetry
Any time I write a poem with a lotta letters
I get a temptation that of me can get the better:
You may have to read twice or the joke you will not get her…
Heeeeeey Macarena!
Filed under Poems
Being An “Us” With No “Them”
When was the last time a stranger
Whispered something in your ear,
Whether something that was naughty
Or perhaps a secret fear,
Saying something so important
That they risked becoming near
To share with you a datum
Only you were fit to hear?
If you’ve never given quiet
I think you ought to try it.
Filed under Poems
The Worst Speech In The History Of Speeches, Maybe Ever
Roses are red.
Biden is tired.
The guy who holds his “applause” sign
Apparently got fired.
Filed under Poems
After Colonoscopy Comes Horoscopy
The nurse said “I’m Aquarius!”
The lab tech said “I’m Virgo!”
I said “I’m a Cancer!”
The doctor said “I know.”
Filed under Poems
Today’s White House News
Today a man who made himself
And all his staff exempt
From being vaccinated
Most audaciously has dreamt
That those who didn’t get a shot
That doesn’t stop the spread
Are somehow the ones responsible
That twelve more folks are dead.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 