Tag Archives: Silly

When They Started Using Those “Printer” Things, Everything Went Downhill…

When the Roman Empire fell

People thought “This isn’t swell”

And for a while they were right

And all the world was dark as night.

Then a guy named Gutenberg

Turned out to be a giant nerd

And invented a thing called a printing press

Which writers say reduced their stress.

After this, a rennaissance

Began, and then a war in France

And freedom became the big buzzword

That people gravitated toward.

Now as another empire falls

I wish we’d have the collective balls

To look how we got in this mess

And demand they bring back the printing press.

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Classical Music

You’re here to see a concert

And the first piece we will play

Is the thanking of the sponsors,

For although you had to pay

A decent sum of money

To come see our group perform

Without our corporate overlords

We’d not be able to form.

Thank you to the money guys

Who like this older stuff.

Now please prepare to give a hand

For another half an hour of fluff…

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Turns Out The Genie Only Grants Two Wishes…

I hope that before I die

I’ll fart one million times.

That or curing cancer…

Or maybe writing rhymes?

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Genre-Dependent

Music is the universal language.

It can communicate to anyone at all

Things like “I have bad taste in music”

And “Girl, hop in! We’re going to the mall!”

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What Boomers And Gen Z Agree On

I paid a lot of money

To see Bingo balls go “whir”

At the place I lost my savings

And the waitress called me “sir”.

It’s worth it for the privilege

Of putting five things in a line

And laughing with the others when

They call “I 69”.

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Proverbs For The Modern Age

Do not stand between a man

Who’s running and a bathroom.

Do not wear a pair of pants

With insufficient calf room.

Those who want to sell you crap

Will first tell you “Hello.”

If you’re out of shampoo

Do not substitute Jello

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Aspirations

I’m a freakin’ space marine!

Half man, half god, half war machine!

I wipe out armies with my fists!

And turn alien brains into alien mists!

I’ve saved every planet from certain death!

When women see me they gasp for breath!

I’m a freakin’ space marine, you know!

What mom? Ooh, pizza? Gotta go!

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The Master Will Go Now

The fact that thrice you mentioned

That you don’t care about corn Jimmy cracks

Makes me think that your indifference

Is facade instead of facts.

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This Is My New Favorite Synonym For Buttcrack

I looked at the thong and what it covered

(Or more of what it didn’t hide).

I saw that arcing crack and had to ask

The most pressing question: “Butt Y?”

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The White Guy Equivalent Is “Orr and Stafford”

Which Mexican guy is a sailor?:

Señor Gonzalez or Señor Cruz?

Well, Gonzalez does the actual sailing…

Cruz just crew the cruise.

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