There once was a phone with low battery
That I tried to charge with some flattery.
I said, “Hey there Samsung.
“You look very well hung.”
But it died and now I can’t be chattery.
Tag Archives: Silly
Ooh! Proof! Also Pool And Book And…
All good things have double o’s
And not just double-o-seven.
There’s good food and a good poop
And good wood can be heaven.
Also see spoonful of sugar,
Parenthood, toothsomeness, and the zoo.
Unless you’re a toothless bloodthirsty cooter
I’m sure you’ll agree with me too!
Filed under Poems
When Nobody Gets You But Your Online Friends
A pack of wolves descends upon
The injured doe, devouring
All they can reach, the meat which they
Find ever so empowering.
Behind the pack, one wolf holds back
And types into its phone
“I’m vegan and my family’s like totally weird
“Hashtag wolf, hashtag lone.”
Filed under Poems
Enthusiasm Has Its Limits
They put a DVD
In the Nintendo Wii.
They told me “Just Dance”
So I ripped off my pants
And now nobody’s playing with me…
Filed under Poems
Degrees Of Sinfulness
I asked the preacher “Hey what if
“I steal a loaf of bread?”
The preacher answered “You’ll be judged
“In Heaven once you’re dead.”
I asked, “What if I kill somebody
“But I confess before I die?”
The preacher said “The Lord will judge
“If your intention is a lie.”
I asked, “What if I hog
“The bathroom before work?”
The preacher said, “You’ll go to Hell
You [Sinful language] jerk!”
Filed under Poems
When Life Gives You Mucus, Make Poetry
I’m still sick after 96 hours,
Plentiful pills, and hot, steamy showers.
I feel lousy, and still poems I write
So give me some pity likes! And with that, good night.
Filed under Poems
Streaming Exclusively On Disney Plus
I think it would be fun
If they made a new Jumanji movie
But it was a free-to-play mobile Jumanji
And they spent all five hours of the movie
Grinding for Jumanjewels
Before they gave up and decided
The old, murdery Jumanji
Wasn’t that bad after all…
Filed under Poems
Yeah, It’s Annoying, Isn’t It! (My Next Poem Will Be Split Into Two Posts For Length)
There once was a cinematic sequel
With a cliffhanger end like no equal.
The heroes were shocked
When the villain they mocked
Turned out to be…
Filed under Poems
Tyranny Bugs Me
There they were, two armies,
One in black and one in red
Swarming from their anthill
Knowing one must soon be dead.
One was sponsored by Les Schwab Tires,
The other by Steve’s Work Pants.
One army shouted “We will be victorious!”
The other screamed “Death to tire ants!”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 