I never knew what would happen
If you stabbed wood and graphite
On the end of a fork-like utensil,
So I did it and swallowed.
I was shocked by what followed:
The next day I pooped out a pencil!
Tag Archives: Silly
That Went Whale…
There once was a lovely young seal
Who captured my sea-mammal heart.
She had an adorable squeal
That made all my fantasies start.
I asked her to go for a drink with me
At a hip new place called “Chez Rubbing”.
But I scared her away. I’d forgotten
That seal babes aren’t fans of clubbing.
Filed under Poems
The Taste Of Home
For every sandwich ever made,
For every stand with lemonade,
For every pizza baked at home
In Tuscaloosa or in Rome,
For all the cream we ever whipped,
All the coffee ever sipped,
I dedicate this meal for you:
Gummy worm salad and “mystery” stew.
Filed under Poems
A True Hunter’s End
I was a monster hunter
In a past life, but alas
I was reincarnated
As a big-mouth billy bass
And instead of hunting demons,
Slaying dragons and the like
I sing “Take me to the river”
To a naked guy named “Spike.”
It wasn’t quite the future
I imagined when I fell.
I did not find Valhalla
But a special sort of Hell.
But in between my bursts of song
And bobbing of my head
I dream of where I’ll be reborn
When next I’m stricken dead…
Filed under Poems
It Pairs Well With Ghoulash
There once were some zombies from Crete
Who hungered for sentient meat.
They sat and moaned “braaains”
‘Til a skeleton came
With some brains and said “Bone appetite.”
Filed under Poems
When I Meet One, We Will Be Soulmates
All the little animals
Of land and sea and air
Sought to find a one true love,
Their one and only pair.
The birds and bees, the cats and dogs,
The frogs and toads were one;
The hare and tortoise, horse and fly
Paired up and all was done.
Alas, when pairing finished
The axolotl was alone
Because instead of socializing
It wrote poems on its phone.
Filed under Poems
True Love, 2022
Upon the sofa down we sat,
Eating ice cream, happy, fat,
Eyes on the TV, wearing no pants:
This is my ideal of romance!
Filed under Poems
It’s My Birthday, So You HAVE To Like The Post
Today is the day if my birth,
When I first breathed the air of the Earth.
Because of my exodus
From my mom’s uterus
I now create poems with mirth.
Filed under Poems
Garden My Turf, Yo
If I were a young urban strawberry
Whose life on the streets turned to robbery
You might think my booty
Would be stabby or shooty
But nope! My violence is clobbery.
Filed under Poems
NEVER End A Line With “Buck”
Another evening passes
Like methane from our asses,
Like the motorist that passes
Bicyclists, slow as molasses.
It passes like a buck
And the fact that I wrote buck
Means I’ll spare you from future rhymes
Because you already get the analogy.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 