When in the course
Of human events
We leave our homes
To live in tents
We write poems on topics
Irrelevant to the season
So if this poem’s turnaround seems abrupt
Probably slavery’s the reason.
Tag Archives: Stupid
a mach maid in hev’in
I asked what she got
On the SAT.
She said “mayonnaise.”
I said “so did me!”
Filed under Poems
The Italian Disagrees With Your Solid/Liquid Dichotomy of Glass Consumption
You a say a that a eating glass
Is a bad a for a you
And that a if you eat a glass
You’ll a have an uncomfortable poo,
Yet a here you go a giving me
A water you hole a da ass
Cause you give a me the water
And it’s a in a drinking glass.
Filed under Poems
Last Time I Answer Spam…
I’m in a time vortex
In a failed experiment to get more sex.
Now I’m trapped in 2098 selling Goretex.
2017 could have gone better.
Filed under Poems
Alright… One. You Got Me.
I wanted to go
To the movies with you.
You couldn’t go
But that wouldn’t do
So I dressed like one person
Pretending to be two.
It was pretty fun.
The guy at the window
Sold me two passes
Despite recognizing
I wasn’t two lasses.
The tickets saw through my ploy
Like X-ray glasses:
Both of them said “Admit One.”
The Ending No One Saw Coming!
I never thought I’d be happy
To lose the shirt off my back,
To run out of money, be told I’m not funny,
And become some animal’s snack.
I’d never thought I’d be happy
To have that stuff happen to me
And as it turns out they still haven’t
So I guess life is going as expected.
Filed under Poems
Perhaps He Should Have
They say “be polite,”
“Use your manners and be kind.”
If I wanted to be a diplomat
I’d have gone to college, mind.
Filed under Poems
The End Of A Cycle
The cycle goes around itself,
A blinding dash of red.
The cycle collapses on itself.
Is its rider dead?
The cycle’s wheels roll away
Down the cliff, a stony slide.
The cyclist stands, his bike in shreds…
Last time he’ll text and ride.
Meanwhile the cycle rolls away
To who knows where and when
Until, reborn, the scattered scraps
Begin the cycle again.
Filed under Poems
My First Acrostic
I is for my mother.
C is for my dad.
A is for my feelings.
N is for an impaler, namely Vlad.
T is for seismology.
S is for uninspired.
PEL is for impatience.
L is for “Am I Fired?”
Filed under Poems
TMI?
I wanted to let you know
I wrote this poem on the toilet.
I thought it best to keep it brief
In case that secret did spoil it.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Daily Travesty 