Could somebody help me, perchance?
I’m vacationing somewhere in France
And my most gracious host
Asked to make them a toast
But objected when the eggs and cream got on their pants…
Tag Archives: Stupid
The Kaepernick Song
I say you can kneel if you wanna
Before you play behind the line,
But if your political stance
Draws an unpopular glance
Then you’ll be on no team of mine!
Filed under Poems
Not A Peppy Pepsi Poem
I wanted to write something witty
About coaxing cans of Coke
Somehow involving slang cocaine
But then my noggin broke.
Now I’m writing a poem
About how my dreams aren’t coming true.
Sounds like 2017
To me. How ’bout to you?
Filed under Poems
An Excerpt From Baltimore’s “Most Popular Baby Names”
I really don’t think I shoulda
Named my child Barracuda.
At first I thought I’d go with Sid,”
And now I wish did,
But when I named him I was living in the hood-a.
Filed under Poems
Pokemon
A pyromaniacal lizard,
A grand aquatic turtle,
A plant-infested dinosaur
Walk into a bar.
Some ten-yeard-olds
Go on a quest with them.
It’s worked out well so far.
Filed under Poems
Political Commentary < Forced Cheese Puns
When all was young
In the beginning
There was a big cheese
And we called it a king.
But the cheese was too big
For the peasants’ humble stomachs.
Though they had many plans
The situation continued to flummox.
So they cut up the king,
(Figuratively, of course)
And imposed their own rule
Through riot-based force.
Instead of a king
Who can do as he pleases
They had a republic
Of many smaller cheeses.
Yes, the peasants were the first
Of the modern free-staters.
They made cheeses smaller
And, thus, the cheese grater.
Filed under Poems
I Just Rattled This One Off… Hope It Wasn’t Too Boa-ring!
The snake was made uncomfortable
And it gave a gasp.
You might say it experienced
A pain in the asp.
Filed under Poems
Quidditch
I met a girl
I thought was nice.
Turns out she was a witch.
She said that I
Was quite a catch.
‘Tis the life of a golden snitch.
Filed under Poems
At The Butcher
Everybody’s yelling
About Nazis, hate, and Trump
And I’m just giggling to myself
‘Cause somebody said “rump.”
Filed under Poems
Brought To You By Guest Author “Cal Endar.” (Not Really)
I want to talk about the months
And where their names came from.
Please know all of these are true
Even if they sound dumb.
Jan and Ferb Uary
Were brothers who shared a belle.
Jan got mad and misspelled Ferb’s name
But it all ended up pretty well.
March is based on Mcdonald’s logo.
April was the belle Jan and Ferb liked.
May is a grammatically better version of “can.”
June’s the month that nobody liked.
July was Julie, but was sad about Ferb
And got misspelled too ’cause she was so stressed.
August was named by a Texan who
In his accent said the words “I guessed.”
September was God’s gift to calendar’s everywhere.
October was named by someone who thought Ctober was lame.
Nov and Dec Ember were also brothers
But are last in the year ’cause they both had a stupid name.
I hope you feel more knowledgable
About months, but you probably don’t.
I hope you share this with your friends
But if you’re a smart person you probably won’t.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 