Tag Archives: Truth

Crossover Opportunity?

Have you ever had a character

In your favorite game or show

That you either would like to be

Or wish would forever go?

Well now you can fulfill your dream

Thanks to Fortnite! It’s a game

Where every IP of all time

Gets shot in the face the same.

Sign on and join a universe

Of people 13+

Who unironically use terms

Like “Sigma”, “Bussin”, and “Sus”.

There you can play any game

While dressed as anyone

And after your kid tells you how to play

You might even have fun!

Only one can win each round

Out of a hundred players

But if you’re bad, don’t be so sad!

Play again and avoid your slayers.

Claim victory or somehow blow it

Until you see someone

Dressed as a certain terrible poet

Chasing you with a gun.

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When You Have To Finish All The Christmas Candy Before Your Resolutions Start

Not quite next year yet…

Losing weight is easier

When you start out fat…

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Timmy Quits First Grade

Kids think school is really neat.

It’s all the crayons you can eat

And lots of friends to boss around

‘Til you weigh more than fifty pounds.

After that school isn’t great.

You’re teased for all the crayons you ate

By bigger kids with smaller brains

And many fewer choochoo trains.

If school stuck to its “pre” version

It would enhance student immersion.

Alas, they think we have to learn

And that’s why I will not return.

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“Contagion” Is A Synonym For “Paid Time Off”

My wife has a disease

Where her nose is really oozy,

Her muscles ache, she’s sneezy,

And occasionally woozy.

She sleeps a lot and burps a lot

And makes a sound like “schplurk”.

I’m going to kiss her on the mouth

Then take some time off work.

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Saves Us Several Weeks Of Suffering In January, I Guess

The Rams faced off with the Seahawks

Who forgot how to lace up their Reeboks.

The hawks made four kicks

Betwtixt their four picks

And now they’re not Super Bowl 60 locks.

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Gift Cards

Happy Birthday dude!

Here’s cash you can only spend

Somewhere you don’t go.

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Read That Last Word With Four Syllables To Make Me Seem Smarter

When you are a poetic bard

Having a social life is hard

Because you may be out at night

But need to do a daily write.

Hypothetical as this may sound

This is where I, this night, am found.

When you read other brief poems by me

Know that I’m healthy socially.

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K-5 Education

If you could just close your mouths

And let your feet be still

Your mind would find a sense of peace

And overflow with skill.

If you could keep your eyes on me

And your hands to yourself

You’d find your time so much more free

And your talent upper shelf.

If you could focus for a blink

And persevere a while

You’d all be smarter than you think

And make a teacher smile.

And yet as you deny these things

I’m please to end a day

When you can do a two-plus-two

And know that biting’s not ok.

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A 30-Something’s Review of Fortnite

In my day, our violent games

Were about shooting guys and taking names.

Now you skydive, camp, and swim

And randomly change from her to him,

Running from a big pink cloud

And avoiding things that are scary or loud.

When I was young, you daren’t mess up

But now I guess we get to dress up?

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Oh Yeah… We’ll Also Make Every Micro-Sheet Get Dispensed Using Electricity Made From Burning Coal

So paper towels are made from trees

And killing tree will kill the Earth

So to save more trees and thus the planet

We must have a towel dispenser rebirth:

Henceforth no towel dispenser shall

Give more than a three-inch sheet.

Of course you can use it unlimited times.

Isn’t saving the planet neat?

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