Growing up means being sleepy
But working anyway,
Trying hard to not be creepy
While you earn your pay,
And maybe plotting a murder or two
But not giving that away.
Tag Archives: Truth
A Portrait Of The Artist As A Working Adult
Sometimes I am sleepy
So I write a haiku
To fulfill my daily promise
Of writing poems for you.
Sometimes the day after
My sleepiness departs
And I grace you with a poem
About love or dogs or farts.
Other times my sleepiness
Remains in all it’s splendor
For sleep has been neglected
By me, it’s sworn defender.
And so on such occasions,
Hypothetical as they may be,
I write two haikus in a row
(And sometimes even three)
But tonight I use a tactic
Less observed but just as smart:
I write about my writer’s block
And pass it off as art.
Filed under Poems
He Has Become More Powerful Than We Can Possibly Imagine
Death hung up the phone
And looked upon the acres
Of tombstones,
Each of them for a deceased death,
Each of which also died
Minutes after receiving the same call.
From Chuck Norris:
“Ready for another try?”
But this time Chuck was ready
To pull an Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Death was just a means to an end…
Filed under Poems
The Best Part Of Waking Up
Pooping is great!
Pooping is fun!
Just sit on the toulet
And ploop! You’re all done!
Or if you are male
And/or have a phone
Pooping can give you
An hour alone!
Filed under Poems
Orthodox Inroverts
When people say “What would Jesus do?”
I take that to mean
That I should go underground
And for three days not be seen.
Filed under Poems
I’m Going To Get Fired For This One…
Meritocracy
Is what happens when you give
White kids scholarships.
Filed under Poems
Visualizing Data
If
You
Plan
Ahead, you
Can make anything
Look like a graph that
Extends dramatically at the end of the line.
Stats
Lie.
Filed under Poems
Secrets From Da Biz
Play a little bit wrong
With a lottle bit of style
And the people gonna clap
And the judges gonna smile.
But if you play it perfectly
And accurately articulate
I hoping you enjoy standing
By the phone, where you’ll forever wait.
Filed under Poems
Crossover Opportunity?
Have you ever had a character
In your favorite game or show
That you either would like to be
Or wish would forever go?
Well now you can fulfill your dream
Thanks to Fortnite! It’s a game
Where every IP of all time
Gets shot in the face the same.
Sign on and join a universe
Of people 13+
Who unironically use terms
Like “Sigma”, “Bussin”, and “Sus”.
There you can play any game
While dressed as anyone
And after your kid tells you how to play
You might even have fun!
Only one can win each round
Out of a hundred players
But if you’re bad, don’t be so sad!
Play again and avoid your slayers.
Claim victory or somehow blow it
Until you see someone
Dressed as a certain terrible poet
Chasing you with a gun.
Filed under Poems
When You Have To Finish All The Christmas Candy Before Your Resolutions Start
Not quite next year yet…
Losing weight is easier
When you start out fat…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 