Pooping is great!
Pooping is fun!
Just sit on the toulet
And ploop! You’re all done!
Or if you are male
And/or have a phone
Pooping can give you
An hour alone!
Tag Archives: Truth
Orthodox Inroverts
When people say “What would Jesus do?”
I take that to mean
That I should go underground
And for three days not be seen.
Filed under Poems
I’m Going To Get Fired For This One…
Meritocracy
Is what happens when you give
White kids scholarships.
Filed under Poems
Visualizing Data
If
You
Plan
Ahead, you
Can make anything
Look like a graph that
Extends dramatically at the end of the line.
Stats
Lie.
Filed under Poems
Secrets From Da Biz
Play a little bit wrong
With a lottle bit of style
And the people gonna clap
And the judges gonna smile.
But if you play it perfectly
And accurately articulate
I hoping you enjoy standing
By the phone, where you’ll forever wait.
Filed under Poems
Crossover Opportunity?
Have you ever had a character
In your favorite game or show
That you either would like to be
Or wish would forever go?
Well now you can fulfill your dream
Thanks to Fortnite! It’s a game
Where every IP of all time
Gets shot in the face the same.
Sign on and join a universe
Of people 13+
Who unironically use terms
Like “Sigma”, “Bussin”, and “Sus”.
There you can play any game
While dressed as anyone
And after your kid tells you how to play
You might even have fun!
Only one can win each round
Out of a hundred players
But if you’re bad, don’t be so sad!
Play again and avoid your slayers.
Claim victory or somehow blow it
Until you see someone
Dressed as a certain terrible poet
Chasing you with a gun.
Filed under Poems
When You Have To Finish All The Christmas Candy Before Your Resolutions Start
Not quite next year yet…
Losing weight is easier
When you start out fat…
Filed under Poems
Timmy Quits First Grade
Kids think school is really neat.
It’s all the crayons you can eat
And lots of friends to boss around
‘Til you weigh more than fifty pounds.
After that school isn’t great.
You’re teased for all the crayons you ate
By bigger kids with smaller brains
And many fewer choochoo trains.
If school stuck to its “pre” version
It would enhance student immersion.
Alas, they think we have to learn
And that’s why I will not return.
Filed under Poems
“Contagion” Is A Synonym For “Paid Time Off”
My wife has a disease
Where her nose is really oozy,
Her muscles ache, she’s sneezy,
And occasionally woozy.
She sleeps a lot and burps a lot
And makes a sound like “schplurk”.
I’m going to kiss her on the mouth
Then take some time off work.
Filed under Poems
Saves Us Several Weeks Of Suffering In January, I Guess
The Rams faced off with the Seahawks
Who forgot how to lace up their Reeboks.
The hawks made four kicks
Betwtixt their four picks
And now they’re not Super Bowl 60 locks.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 