Marketing has accomplished
Another monumental feat:
I see people saying “Pay us
“And in return, don’t eat.”
Tag Archives: Truth
Why Robots Won’t Replace Men
No amount of flattery
Can restore an empty battery
But a little flirting can
Reenergize almost any man.
Filed under Poems
It’s Like “Plop” And I Just Met My Weight-Loss Goal
Sure, falling in love is satisfying
But have you ever had a poop where you thought
Everything in life was good again?
Apparently the music business has not.
Filed under Poems
And It Has Zero Calories!
I’ve invented a new cocktail
That’s a lot like a White Russian
But without the vodka, liqueur, cream, or ice.
It’s called a “Political Discussion”.
Filed under Poems
An Accurate Portrayal Of Tension Is Limited By The Medium Of Expression
I’m on bad wifi
Trying to publish a post
But I think it might…
Filed under Poems
The Masculine Dilemma
I could pay money every month
To have access to a gym
Where I lift heavy objects
To feel pain within my limb
And when the lifting’s over
I can climb or bike or run
On a machine that makes it possible
To never feel done
Then I can take my clothes off
In a public locker room
And eat vegetables for breakfast…
Or I can stay home and play Doom.
Filed under Poems
I May Not Have Love, But My Mattress Full Of Money Keeps Me Warm At Night
If you’re having trouble with a breakup,
Feeling glum, and lacking sex
Just remember Elon Musk bought Twitter,
Flipped the bird, and called it his “X”.
Ye Olde Thug Lyfe
If I were a rapper I’d write some sick rhymes
About crimes and hard times and increasingly warm climes
But instead I’m a blogger and I’m writing these verses
Without curses so my readers won’t go out and steal purses.
Instead of glorifying living as a thug out on the street
I’m all for the institution’s safe and sanctioned meet-and-greet
And if you thinkin’ I’m a sellout I’ll correct you: If you think
Anything I’ve written here‘s worth paying for… go get a shrink.
Greenbacks aren’t a flowing to this blogger’s cargo pockets
Like they do for Tommy Cruise or to that baller Tyler Lockett’s
But I’m rewarded with a gift that no celebrity gets:
I can wear sweat pants to Costco and no one gives two shits!
Filed under Poems
Dwayne “Dwayne The Rock Johnson” Johnson
There once was a smoldering man
Who was muscular and quite tan.
He lost all his hair
But did not seem to care
And is basically new Jackie Chan.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 