I want to start a charity
Where blind and deaf people come
And I describe to them how food tastes
‘Cause I’m hungry and I’m dumb.
Tag Archives: Truth
Also, We Had To Use The Pythagorean Theorem To Calculate Burrowing Speed, So We Are Nerdier Than Thee
We stayed up late
Playing D&D.
Yay for my players
But woe for readers (aka thee).
Filed under Poems
How About A Good Humbling?
I sorta hope the next disease
That brings the whole world to its knees
Can break the part of DNA’s lock
That makes “important” people talk.
Filed under Poems
Maybe Poverty Is Good?
A week ago five billionaires
Paid half a million each
To sink into the ocean
To within Titanic‘s reach.
Today, a billionaire put up
For sale a chance to fly
Into space, which makes my face
Nonverbally scream “Why?”
Filed under Poems
Circumstances Change… Viewpoints May Not
I’m out of the sticks now
And wifi is back.
Dear vegans: I’m sorry
For my former attack.
From henceforth I promise
To not mock you any more
Than I mock anyone else
Who says “Tofu? J’adore!”
Filed under Poems
How My Diet Is Going
There are more cookies in my belly
Than on the cooling rack.
That’s my reward for exercise
So I think I’m on the right track.
Filed under Poems
A Day In The Life Of A Hero
I’m going to a climate conference
To inspire both hope and confidence
But I’m not sure which jet I should ride
So I’ll take both. I’m too rich to decide!
Filed under Poems
On Commencement
Once a year, a million kids
Quit going to a school
And they rent ugly hats and dresses
Because that’s just the rule.
Everybody’s name is read
And then the hats are thrown
And a million kids proceed to then
Forget what they had known.
Then a half a million kids
Go to school that costs a lot
Where they try to sleep with other kids
And, if they’re me, do not.
The other half get jobs at places
Where food is microwaved
Or join the “Guns and Tanks” patrol
And thus the world is saved.
This graduation from a child
To learned adult is great.
And now I must excuse myself;
For bed, I’m somewhat late.
Filed under Poems
Ladies, Learn To Reboot A Router
If your husband is pooping
And taking his time
So that hours have passed
And the scent is a crime
There’s no need to bother
With a knock or a shout;
His business will finish
When the Wifi goes out.
Filed under Poems
Diversity on TV
Some people love a TV show
Or book with all their heart
Because it’s scary/witty/charming
And fast-paced/tender/smart.
Others see that TV show
And think one long “okaaaaaaay?”
I think that’s the best diversity
Even if no one’s black or gay.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 