What’s most nearly opposite
To gently falling rain,
Your lover’s gentle heartbeat,
And comfort of the brain?
The answer starts with “Someone”
And ends with “Else’s baby on a plane.”
Tag Archives: Truth
Next Week: Child Puts “Mean People Suck” Bumper Sticker On Car, Wins Nobel Prize For Literature
It’s nice to know
In this day and age
Time Magazine will
Give you the front page
And give you the title
“Person of the year”
For being perturbed
Where rich people can hear.
Filed under Poems
Search Engine Optimization
If you need to find info
Page 1 of Google’s where to go.
If you need to hide a thing
I’d suggest page 1 of Bing.
Filed under Poems
The English Language Is Biased Against Non-Diurnal Happenstances, And I Won’t Stand For It!
For things in the past people will say
“Things in the past happened yesterday.”
But what I think just isn’t right
Is why we don’t say “Yesternight.”
Filed under Poems
Bikinis
One thing I don’t understand:
Why men who stare are loathed.
If a woman is ninety-percent naked
Men just look at what is clothed!
Filed under Poems
What A Glorious Evening!
This poem is late.
I am breeding Pokemon.
I have no girlfriend.
Filed under Poems
Wise Men Know How To Stall
For every man there comes a day
When he must expel waste
And, being in a hurry,
Seeks to urinate with haste.
Soon after, they discover
As their throat fill up with phlegm
That their quest will be a failure…
Someone’s peeing next to them.
They stand in awkward silence,
As the urinals don’t sing
For as much as they both need to
They cannot eject a thing
And thus they close their zippers
And proceed to wash their hands
And go on with screaming bladders
To fulfill their life’s demands.
Filed under Poems
World Peace, Step One
I saw a guy driving today
Who had a sign in their back window:
“Please stay back,
“New stick shift driver.”
I’m putting that in the back window
Of every car I buy
From this day forward.
Filed under Poems
A Moral Dilemma
A train is coming down a track
On which doth a maiden lie.
If I took no action
It was certain that she’d die
But if I threw a lever
The train would change its track
And Taylor Swift would never die.
Now on maiden crows do snack.
Filed under Poems
It Was Totally Sincere, But Then I Needed A Rhyme
I’m grateful for people
Who do not expect
Good poems on holidays
And, to me, genuflect.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 