Happy happy happy.
Joy joy joy.
Yippee yippee yippee.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
I can’t wait. I’m excited.
I’m overwhelmed with wow.
If you think exclamation marks are dumb
You do not think so now.
Tag Archives: Worse than usual
First Date Conversations
There once was some rear pelvic part
That emitted the deadliest fart.
The gas from the bowels
Caused the most gruesome howls,
Worse even than most modern art.
Filed under Poems
Why Adventurers Just Don’t Anymore In 2022
We survived a drowning island.
We endured the burning sand.
We outlasted freezing rain
And our cousin’s cover band.
We’ve outrun giant boulders
And a crazy nazi horde
But when the radio plays songs
By Taylor Swift… Oh Lord!
Filed under Poems
Middle School Science Be Like… (Also, I Have No Idea What Color Jupiter Is, But Neither Do You, So Ha!)
Mercury is number one,
Venus is where women are from,
Mars is a song with lots of snare drum,
Jupiter is the color of plum,
Saturn has a bunch of rings,
Uranus is full of gas and things,
Neptune’s famed for icy springs,
And Pluto’s demotion to this day stings.
But you probably noticed the dearth
Of a line about the Earth
Because it is devoid of mirth
And is the only planet with Colin Firth.
Filed under Poems
Subverting Expectations
Tonight events happened that occupied time
And now I must sleep and dream of a mime.
I probably won’t, but it goes to show
I don’t always rhyme “time” with “rhyme”, my bro.
Filed under Poems
Perhaps The Most Extraordinarily Literal Poem Ever
Tonight, I lay in bed and rest
So tomorrow I can make a quest
Southward past the Emerald City
Where law enforcement’s really shitty.
I’m going there to see my girl,
Upon whom all my thoughts do swirl.
We’re working on my latest book
And soon you’ll get an early look!
So yeah, that’s all I have to say…
Just a life update and marketing play.
She is great and so are you
And now I need to sleep. Yahoo!
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
In Other News, How Did 10:53 Become “Late”?
There once was a poet in bed
With ideas flush in his head,
But he stayed ip too late
And, as was his fate,
He dashed down a limerick instead.
Filed under Poems
Good Night Already!
Sometimes you do what you need to do;
Sometimes you do what you don’t.
Sometimes my thoughts will be deeper than this
But most of the time they won’t.
Filed under Poems
I’m Officially Trademarking The Pathetic Two-Liner
Tonight we played games ‘til 11:00 PM
Which is a good reason for short poems ™
Filed under Poems
Yeah… When Poets Get Jobs They Write Crap Like This #FundTheArts 🥳
Once upon an evening time
My mind could only find one rhyme,
So off I went with weariness
To sleep, and so should you.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 