I could park my truck
And walk up to the house
And place a package on the door
Or hand it to a spouse.
I also have the option
To relive my high school ways
And chuck a 40-yard touchdown
With whatever peasants buy these days…
Category Archives: Poems
Hark! I, The Bard, Doth Telleth Of Some Happenings That Art Off The Hook, Yo!
“Once upon a time…”
Is the ye olde way to say
“Get a load of this…”
Filed under Poems
U OK, UK?
Everyone’s welcome in dear old England
Regardless of color or race
But if you think memes are amusing
It’s best that you don’t show your face.
Filed under Poems
Kids These Days…
My parents were trees;
I’m a cone that you step on
To make crackle sounds.
Filed under Poems
Secretary Of War
At the Battle of Thermopylae
480 BC
299 Spartans
Marched to meet Xerxes.
Meanwhile, Jeffichus the imprecise
Was tasked with taking the minutes
Instead of marching into war
‘Cause it’s close enough to 300, innit?
Filed under Poems
Line. Breaks. Matter.
As I drive down the highway
I see dozens of signs:
Slower
Traffic
Keep
Right
Right
Lane
Ends
Adopt a
Highway
Litter
Control
And I think to myself
“These sign writers are overdoing the enjambment.”
Filed under Poems
Health Class Paid Off
Body builder said
“Feel my upper back”, but I
Knew it was a trap.
Filed under Poems
Dream Jobs
The zookeeper likes animals
But ends up shoveling poo.
The librarian likes books
But tells the homeless people “shoo”.
The teacher wants to help kids
But the principal says no.
The customer service rep
Ran out of dreams three shifts ago.
Meanwhile, in my living room
I turn my camera off on Zoom
And watch Youtube while bosses talk
Of how to raise the price of stock.
Filed under Poems
The Old Greats Are Always Surpassed By Modern Marvels
Frankenstein reflects
That his monster has nothing
On the kid you made.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 