“Bring the ring to Mordor, kid”
Gandalf told me and so I did.
It caused me scars that forever linger,
Mostly that I can’t give Gandalf the finger.
Category Archives: Poems
Thanks, Millennials
If you’d like a hamburger
It only costs a dollar.
If you want cheese on it
It’ll cost you dollars two.
Want to add some bacon?
That’s two dollars fifty.
Want some avacado?
Your firstborn kid will do.
Filed under Poems
Still Better Than JJ Abrams
Did you hear about the filmmaker
Named “Very Clumsy Greg”
Who was famous on the set
For always hurting his leg?
Well, one day during filming
As a scene was to begin
He said, “Lights”, then he said “camera”,
And then he said, “Ack! Shin!”
Filed under Poems
How Little Things Change
In the days when Jesus walked the Earth
Many people had names
More akin to Shaniqua and Carston
Than Luke, Mary, Joseph, or James.
Those people lived lives that were normal and happy
But long since forgotten to time;
No one wrote a hymn for Shaniqua
Because it was too hard to rhyme.
Filed under Poems
Minimum Wage, No Respect, Nuclear Waste, And Now This?
A toast to all the henchmen,
The goons, the dorks, the minions
Who were killed by superheroes
Due to differences of opinions
Between said superheroes
And the employers of the underling throng
Who are alive and well in jail
‘Cause kids, killing is wrong.
Filed under Poems
Or Did The Fact They Never Heated Up Mean The Prophecy Came True After All?
Somebody said to the NFL
“You gotta cool your jets”.
Alas, the Jets were never cool
Not unlike marionettes.
Filed under Poems
They Were Viva-ing La Vida Alright…
There once was a CEO
Who went to a Coldplay show.
The HR-H.O.E.
Said, “Kiss cam? OMG!”
And now the whole world’s in the know.
Filed under Poems
The YouTuber’s Origin Story
One camera.
Two fools.
Three hours of editing.
Zero rules.
Nine minutes
About a cruise.
Two hours later
Seven views.
Filed under Poems
Harry Potter And The One Minute Of Missing Footage
Christmas at Hogwarts, 1997:
Harry Potter is in heaven
Opening gifts from his first ever friends
And hoping this day never ends
When off to the side he notices one
Nondescript little package and opens it. Fun!
Inside is a cloak made of magical paper
For invisible movement during a caper.
“How does it work?” Harry asked. Ron, compliant,
Said, “It’s made from the list of all Epstein’s clients.”
Then Harry nodded, his heart feeling zen,
And Professor Quirrel was never seen again.
Filed under Poems
Upsides
The nice thing about AI ads
Is that they’re poorly done
So I’ve no need to buy their stuff
And so declare we won.
Another proof of victory
Is that the CEOs shelled out
A lot of money for this tech
And thus without a doubt
Will double down on ineffective
Tools for advertising.
AI will bring a golden age
Of happily not buying!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 