Category Archives: Poems

This Problem Doesn’t Happen For Board Game Dates

I asked her out to eat with me

At Chez Insertnamehere.

It was a place with candlelight

And very expensive beer.

After our romantic dinner

Conversation hit a lull.

She said “Let’s have dinner again,”

But, alas, I was already full.

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The Longest Road

I travel by the road at dawn,

The sunrise at my back,

Unaware in blissful youth

Of all the things I lack.

When day has broken, I press on

In a cardinal direction,

Unaware that I’m unguided

Save by pleasure and affection.

By noon I sweat and labor on

Beneath the sun I know,

Still the same despite the fact

It has a harsher glow.

Beyond that point I cannot see,

The sun filling my eyes,

And do not know that all I know

Is naught but youthful lies.

Then I lie down to rest myself

After the sun has gone

And wait until the sun returns

To blindly carry on.

What few have seen when journeying

Beneath the gold sun’s light

Is how the road’s a circle

Sloping gently to the right,

Still fewer will discover

(And even fewer learn)

Is whether we are blind or wise

When, to dawn, we must return.

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Three Equally Feasible Ideals

Free college is nice

But some don’t want it.

Free healthcare is grand

But some people taunt it.

If we want to please

The entire USA

Pass a law that makes

Every day Saturday!

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Just Pause For A Second…

The difference between a joke

And a poem’s not the rhyming;

A poem’s funny if it’s true,

But why’s a joke funny timing.

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Wallace and Gromit

It’s truly not a hoax

That there are only two types of folks:

Those who think Wensleydale is cracking

And those whose education is lacking.

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It Used To Be An Innocent Day Of Wiccan Ritual… Before The Dark Times

Instead of holidays with mangers

Tonight we ignore all the dangers

Of costumed little shits

Led by cats with big tits

Who, through threats, steal candy from strangers.

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When You Break Up / Lines In A Poem / So It Looks Longer / Than It Really / Is

Warlords might not be

The sensitive type,

Not ones to use shampoo

Or lotions,

But they’re a lot better

Than pacifists

Who are racist

Against certain oceans.

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