Category Archives: Poems

Coming Soon To The MCU: Night Owl

I’m tired and I’m sleepy

And I want to rest my mind,

But there is a problem

That I cannot leave behind:

As much as I need slumber

And as much as I need rest

Staying up unreasonably late

Is the one thing I do best.

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Some Assembly Required

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Though it was obvious Humpty would die

Still the king said, “Give the horses a try!”

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First Date Conversations

There once was some rear pelvic part

That emitted the deadliest fart.

The gas from the bowels

Caused the most gruesome howls,

Worse even than most modern art.

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Colorful Language

Purple golden orange

Shines green in an azure pool.

What’s in these brownies?

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Our Turn

At wee early hour on the hills by my home

I’d knock on your door, heart a burning

To dance there with you

And the golden morning dew,

Giving thanks that the world keeps a turning.

When sun finally breaks, gold and heavy that morn

And we stride proud below sky a burning

I’ll feel like a king

With the first bud of the Spring

And give thanks that the world keeps a turning.

The sun at it’s apex, a blanket beneath,

And two lovers for picnic are yearning.

Her hair smooth as silk

They drink honey and the milk

In the garden of Earth, still a turning.

As years turn to lifetimes and bodies to dust

The couple does not cease their learning.

They lie, cold and still

And the two become the hill,

Still part of the world ever turning.

Remember the sunshine. Remember the lifetime.

Remember the sweet butter churning.

Remember the dawn

For someday the Earth will yawn

And together we’ll rest from the turning.

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Dear Vegans

Many chickens passed away

So you could have a meal.

You killed them and ate their eggs;

How does that make you feel?

Many chickens were beheaded,

Plucked, and fried in fat.

Because of that, I feel full

And I’m okay with that.

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Aldous Approves

There once was a gaudy raven

Who wore a crown, but wasn’t a king.

A pair of humans saw this

And plotted a wicked thing.

They aimed to kill the impostor

So around the land ‘twould be heard:

“Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

“Two kill a mock king bird!”

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Evening Haikus

Nightfall comes upon

My body. It’s dark and long…

But no homo, ‘kay?

——————————————

Everything is dark,

Quiet, calm, the world at peace.

Then I stub my toe…

———————————————

I should be asleep

But instead I’m writing jokes

About dicks and pain.

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She’s Actually Not, But The Punchline Makes Me Seem Desperate, And Desperation Is Funny

My girl is sexier than yours.

She could knock hinges off doors.

She has pretty knees and toes

And looks good with and without clothes.

She has pretty auburn hair

And says fancy stuff like “Au contraire”.

She’s the girl I’m going to marry…

Who cares if she’s imaginary?

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Why Adventurers Just Don’t Anymore In 2022

We survived a drowning island.

We endured the burning sand.

We outlasted freezing rain

And our cousin’s cover band.

We’ve outrun giant boulders

And a crazy nazi horde

But when the radio plays songs

By Taylor Swift… Oh Lord!

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