Category Archives: Poems

My Covenant

Some people with a time machine

Would cure diseases in the past,

Kill Hitler as a baby

To stop the Jews from being gassed,

See what dinosaurs were like

Or build the pyramids.

Some would travel back in time

To relive being kids.

If I had a time machine

I’d go to a monastery

Where people sang Gregorian chant

With ye olde Tomme, Dicke, and Harrye

And play the drum and violin parts

To the Halo menu song.

Some people would go to the future

To cure cancer, but they’re wrong.

You’re Welcome

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Dialects

In America we spell “color;”

In the UK it is “colour” with a U.

In America it’s “blue”

InFrance it is “bleu.”

In America it’s “Hell;”

In Middle Earth it is “Moria.”

In America it’s “yay;”

In Catholic it is “Gloooooooooooooo,ooooooooooo,ooooo,oooooo…ria!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

What The Flock?

The best men in America

All come from Arkansas.

They’re peacocks in the city

And turkeys in the straw.

——————————————————–

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”

Is really a load of bull…

When there’s no meat on the table for dinner

Nobody’s like “But the bushes are full!”

——————————————————–

Some say Bird Jesus is a parrot

‘Cause he always has something to say.

I personally disagree because

Bird Jesus is a bird of pray.

——————————————————–

The woods were dark and silent

And our hunting trip did fail.

My wife said the woods were empty

But I just think the birds were male.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Millennial Parents Be Like…

The dentist asked three little boys

“Every day do you floss?”

Jeff said “Yes”

And Jeph said “Yes”

And Geoff said “Yeos.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Modern Problems Require Modern Solutions

When you remember your username

But the password you do not

And have to point out stop signs

To prove you aren’t a robot…

I think they should have a youtube ad

And if you don’t click “skip in 5”

They know you are a robot,

Or at least you’re not alive.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Other Primary Color

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

And yellow’s just like

“Wut dawg? U trippin’ bro?

“Violets are fuckin’ purple,

“And just ’cause I don’t rhyme easily

“Y’all just acting like dandelions and sunflowers and poppies and buttercups and, oh yeah yellow roses, don’t exist?

“Naw dawg, whatever. I’m out.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Today, In America

The family was gathered,

The chicken was frying,

And somewhere on TV

Our leaders were lying.

I was lighting the fireworks

And feeling just fine

‘Til I held up my fingers

And counted to nine.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems