Category Archives: Poems

Why Has No One Mentioned This Unsung Hero Yet? Conspiracy!

Amidst the “What the heck?s”

About kneeling for anthems and necks

One man has consistently stood tall:

That man is Neil Diamond,

Who protested against crime and

Didn’t change his name to “Stand.” That’s all.

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Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

If you think saying “Spongebob’s gay”

Will make the haters go away

Then I am most inclined to say

You’re stupid and you’re wrong.

If you think that posting signs

And standing tall in protest lines

Will make the “bads” turn into “fines”

I’ll sing a different song.

If you think that making noise

About police and childrens’ toys

And how some girls are really boys

Is going to change a heart

Then I will proudly bear the news:

Insulting those with different views

Won’t stop the “other people” blues,

But listening? There’s a start!

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Bugging Out

There once were a fly and a flea

Who were healthy and lived in a tree,

Then they flew in a flue

And contracted the flu

And decided to, from the flue, flee.

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It’s Thick Enough That The Title Goes On The Spine!

A book came in the mail for me!

I wrote it and it came!

If you act quickly then you can

Experience the same!

It’s yours to buy on Amazon

(Or elsewhere if you’re odd):

It’s cheaper than an ounce of gold

And funnier than God!

Neutral background made of the author’s sweatpants not included…

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B089279Y3W

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The Schmoe Has Chutzpah!

I set my piggy bank on fire

And it burned for seven days.

I threw it at the police

And they murmured their “Oy vey”s.

I watched the burning money fly

Precisely, without fail,

And thus have I invented

The Mazal Tov Cocktail.

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Yay for Forethought!

So they dissolved the police force

And the officers found new jobs

As body guards for wealthy folks

Who pay with golden gobs.

Those who forced defunding

Now demand free guards for all.

I guess that the defunders

Want policemen after all!

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Strong Feelings Abound

I wrote a knock-knock joke

And put it on my page

But no one wrote to ask “Who’s there?”

Thus: My impotent rage.

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Inboxes Be Like…

Hello [Your name misspelled here],

I’m a guy from some website

You visited four years ago

Saying thanks, unless you’re white.

We wanted to inform you

That our service will be paused

To recognize black people

And the trouble they’ve been caused.

We stand in solidarity

With those whose darker skin

Displays they may be poor in wealth

But rich in melanin.

Our shipping will be slower

And our prices will be hiked

To ensure our social media

Is adequately liked.

This is us reminding you

That love will conquer fear.

Also, they burned our storefront down

So please support us here.

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When You Have A Punchline But It’s Four Syllables Long…

Step one: Be God’s son

Step two: Write on stone tablets

And Step three: Prophet!

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Euphonious Flosculinity

I verified the veracity

Of very vermillion verbs.

The fairly ferrous fairy

Ferried very hairy herbs.

Very ferrous fairies fared

Fairly unverified.

These sayings may be meaningless

But they make me smile inside.

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