You might be afraid of tigers.
You might run away from a bear,
But when a spider on your ceiling
Can give you such a scare
Think of the microscopic guy
Who made the spider hide up there!
Category Archives: Poems
Sick Jokes Man!
Unlike aids, ebola, and most cancers of the spleen
People make a lot of jokes about Covid-19.
Maybe if we isolated people with a tumor
We’d find the situation full of all new types of humor?
Filed under Poems
Great White Privilege
There once was a great white shark
Who lived in an amusement park.
He liked to eat fish
And every day got his wish…
Bet things would be different if he were dark.
Filed under Poems
Somebody’s Gonna Feel Butt-Hurt
Today you might feel sad
But you’re still better off than the guy
Who bought 90 rolls of toilet paper
Then found out it’s all single-ply.
Filed under Poems
Pickup Artists, March 2020
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
TP is white
And I’ve got some for you!
Filed under Poems
Some Jobs Can’t Catch A Break…
Where I live in Washington
The schools are shutting down.
The restaurants are closing
All across my little town.
Musicians, actors, dancers
Have no place to ply their trade
And artists cannot show their work
And therefor can’t get paid.
Amidst setbacks and panic
There’s a cloud with a silver-line:
Though you cannot learn or act
Or dance or sing or dine
There is no ban on poetry
Being posted on the net;
Thus why I’m still writing at 10:39.
Is this virus over yet?
Filed under Poems
We’re Also Live-Streaming Bird Songs And Countable Sheep
This is your local government
Now or pretty soon
Emailing to let you know
That we sanitized the moon.
Looking into space
Will no longer cause disease
So while we cancel everything
Go stargaze as you please.
Filed under Poems
Reasons I’m Moving To Japan
I wish, when first you met someone
You’d know if you should care
And could see if they’re important
By the weirdness of their hair.
I wish that all decisions
Could be solved in such a way
That a card game or a cook-off
Would decide who rules the day.
I wish that every skill
Could be mastered in an hour
Through a training montage sequence
And above-3,000 power.
But I would trade these wishes
Plus a leg and six months pay
For the girls in real life
To be the girls in anime.
Filed under Poems
Different Blokes
Steve and Sharocco are tigers
But they are not alike.
Steve enjoys a day at the spa;
Sharocco likes to hike.
Steve likes Bob Ross videos;
Sharocco likes to knit.
But both love eating human flesh
So along they somehow get.
Filed under Poems
An Unattainable Love
My breath smelled like a customer service hotline
So I set off to buy me a mint.
The vending machine said “Out of order”
But instead of taking the hint
I shook it, kicked it, bopped it, kissed it,
Took it to Peru.
Now it’s been 30 years today
Since it didn’t say “I do.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 