Slap a chicken with a fish-
You may do that if you wish.
Put a baby in a pot-
Sure you can, or maybe not.
Eat raw eggs and bacon too-
I probably wouldn’t, but I’m not you.
There’s but one act that’s out of order:
Simply walking into Mordor.
Slap a chicken with a fish-
You may do that if you wish.
Put a baby in a pot-
Sure you can, or maybe not.
Eat raw eggs and bacon too-
I probably wouldn’t, but I’m not you.
There’s but one act that’s out of order:
Simply walking into Mordor.
Filed under Poems
She was a lovely Venomoth
With 409 CP.
Although I gave her many Razz
She would not stay with me.
She ripped off all my Pokeballs
And left me pale with pallor.
I hope that she finds happiness
With someone from team Valor.
Filed under Poems
Now that we can realize
Our Pokemon-catching dreams
We must make the hard decision
Of picking from three teams.
The team that you decide on
Is the team to which you stick,
So I’ve written this unbiased poem
To help you make your pick.
First we have team valor,
The team for the brave and true.
Second is team instinct
If impulsive describes you.
If either of these teams
Is the one you eventually choose
I hope that you find comfort
In the fact you’re sure to lose.
For among the three teams
One’s sure to reign supreme:
The mighty Articuno
Leads the mighty Mystic team!
If you reside anywhere
From the South Pole to Juneau
Know that you’ll find victory
With Team Blue and Articuno.
If you pick red and Moltres
Or Zapdos and team yellow
You’re surely a disgrace
And an addle-brain-ed fellow
For mystic gives you answers
That don’t require you to think.
Besides, unlike the other two
Team Mystic doesn’t stink.
I’ve presented much hard evidence
To support my choice,
But if you still think otherwise
I urge you – raise your voice!
I’d love to read your poems
That explain how you chose wrong.
Now just imagine this poem ends
With fireworks and a gong.
Filed under Poems
I woke up to a naked woman
Playfully hitting me with foam
Which makes me think tomorrow
Grandma’s going to a home.
Filed under Poems
I have a feather duster
For if my birds get dusty.
I’ve got a picture frame
Just in case I commit a crime.
I’ve got a pizza face
For if I’m feeling crusty.
What I don’t have is a clue
Of how to end this poem in a satisfying way.
I wish I had a pirate ship
To show off to my neighbors,
To terrorize the waterways
And make legends of my labors.
I’d earn the love of ladies fair
And earn the lawmen’s hate.
Yes, I’d be the best damn pirate
In Arizona state.
Filed under Poems
I’ve been awake
For fourty hours now.
Almost got murdered
By a stray dog tonight.
I’m whiter than mayo
Or milk from a cow
But they released #PokemonGo
So I guess I’m alright.
Filed under Poems
I once sold tires for Goodyear
But my sales hit a kink.
We had a bad year at Goodyear.
Now I don’t know what to think.
Filed under Poems
I told them to run, run, run.
In fact, I mercilessly taunted.
Alas the final result
Was nothing like what I wanted.
I did not fully consider
When all was said and done
The degree of just how slowly
We cookie-men can run.
Filed under Poems
What comes up
Must come down.
What goes sideways, as it turns out
Also must come down.
What doesn’t move at all
Never will go up.
It is for these reasons
That gravity makes a crappy topic
For poetry.
Filed under Poems