Life is like a game
Of charades
In which people can talk
And watch parades
And have to make money
Or they’ll starve to death
And nobody actually cares
What people are trying to communicate,
Kind of like life.
Category Archives: Poems
And It Was Glorious!
You’ve got Candy Crush,
Farmville, Minecraft,
Plants vs. Zombies,
And the TV show “Shaft.”
You’ve got Halo 1-6
And Super Smash Bros Brawl.
As a lad, all I had
Was Space Cadet Pinball.
Filed under Poems
For When The Superhero Fad Ends
Poems have existed
Since the dawn of history,
Yet they aren’t turned into movies.
Why not? That’s a mystery.
I have an idea
If you’re a Hollywood guy.
Make a poem into a movie,
Remove the clothes, and add CGI.
Lawn Decorations
If I could buy a flower
For everybody bland
I’d buy dandelions.
That’s what happened to your land.
Filed under Poems
Networking for Psychos
I’m a fan of gatherings
Like a conference or a fest
Where people with shared interests
Can do what they do best.
I suggest a conference
For wannabe school shooters
Where they can get some practice.
Also welcome: thieves and looters.
Filed under Poems
The Bathrooms Are Clean In Seattle
There was moisture on
The toilet seat.
Somebody had to
Take the heat
For failing to properly
Aim their piss.
We blamed the Minnesotan,
‘Cause when it counts, they miss.
Date Ape
When things go bananas in the bedroom
Don’t you worry. Nothing’s wrong!
You’ve just received the blessing
Of the famous Kinky Kong.
Filed under Poems
My Bathroom Enemy
(This one’s for anyone who’s lives in a five bedroom, one bath house).
It’s seven fifty-five
And I work at eight.
He’s the only reason
That I’m always late.
He used up the hot water
But he doesn’t care.
He gets back in the shower.
He forgot to wash his hair.
My bathroom nemesis
Taking his daily bowel exodus!
He thinks that it’s his destiny
To be the only one to pee!
My bathroom enemy.
One I day got the flu.
I was puking for days,
I couldn’t use the bathroom
‘Cause of what’s-his-face.
At midnight I snuck in
To go number two.
We’re out of toilet paper.
Oh yeah! Guess who?
My bathroom adversary
Taking longer than necessary.
He thinks that it’s his destiny
To be the only one to pee.
My bathroom enemy!
I haven’t bathed in eighteen days.
I just can’t get around this guy.
I’ve has enough. I’ll show him
A brand new bathroom in the sky!
And when he’s dead
We’ll think we’re saved,
But the corpse will miss the burial
‘Cause he still hasn’t shaved!
My bathroom supervillain,
On the procelain throne, just chillin’.
Turns out it’s not his destiny
To be the only one to pee.
The other roommates worship me
‘Cause I killed my bathroom enemy!
Filed under Poems
For The Non-Partiers
I’ve got a real shindig
For those wallflowers out there.
I’ve got seats in every corner
To sit silently and stare.
I’m not saying it’ll get crazy,
But heck, you never know!
All y’all are invited.
BYO H2O.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 