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Category Archives: Poems
Why Won’t He Wife Me?
Everybody tells me that he’s poison
And is blood is made of boiling gasoline.
He’s never loved anybody more than himself
And he’s a barrel-chested killing machine.
He eats a baby bunny for his breakfast.
He’s got Bambi’s mommy mounted on the wall.
He’s a runner and a gunner and a scoundrel
And like OMG, I hope he’s six feet tall!
Filed under Poems
Talent Shows
Bands will play their marches
And choirs sing their hymns
And jazzers swing their two-five-ones
And rockers take their stims
And orchestras will pizzicato
While dancers strike a pose
But what you just did on that stage
Managed to be none of those…
Filed under Poems
Duo, Pourquoi Es-Tu En Colère?
There once was a multilingual green owl
Whose temper had grown fully foul.
He said “Practice your French!”
As he pulled out a wrench
Then watched me spell “vingt” with a scowl.
Filed under Poems
Optimism, First Grade Prepper Edition
I know that world war 3 is coming
And it’ll be really bad
But when you remember what comes next
It takes away the sad
‘Cause world war 4 is going to be fought
With sticks and stones they say
Which means puppies will be soldiers
And puppies make us yay!
Filed under Poems
My Essay on the Causes of World War II
I like how people decided
That art was subjective
And you can like anything you want
But then you draw a bicycle
And you get a C in art class
From a guy whose degree
Taught them a red line on a blank canvas
Was worth millions of dollars.
Maybe I should be a politician instead?
Filed under Poems
Every Musical Ever (You’re Welcome!)
There once was a first-billed actress
Who’s uncertain leading man will bring bliss.
They’ll sing and they’ll dance
And they’ll sing and they’ll dance
And they’ll sing and they’ll dance
And they’ll… you get the point…
And it ends with a curtain and kiss.
Filed under Poems
This Is One Instance Where A Live Stream Would Be Helpful
Can I write a poem
In exactly ten hours?
I could were I not so aloof.
See, it would be brilliant
But I’m insufficiently resilient
To answer your query: “Where’s the proof?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 