The time will come when you must choose
Whether in life to win or lose.
But what do winning and losing get us?
Losers get cake; Winners get lettuce.
Category Archives: Poems
Investment Analysis
There once was a CPA
Who managed my 401(K).
They said unto me
That a 403(B)
Would be better. Why? IDFK
Filed under Poems
Mrs. Snyder Was Right
I know I shouldn’t have walked alone
Through the parking garage at night,
Especially when it’s very dark
And I am very white.
Some hoodlums did assail me
And called “Hands in the air!”
But I did not not obey them
And instead without a care
Reached deep inside my jacket
Where I keep my alto recorder
And I played the G Major scale
To restore the law and order.
And so the hoodlums left me
And I drove home just fine.
That’s why you pay attention in school.
Now what’s the log (base ten) of nine?
Filed under Poems
Method Acting
As long as we’re recasting movies
Where male characters are now girls
I hope they can remake “Terminator”
As Hillary Clinton vs. the world.
Filed under Poems
“Best Picture”
If you make a very realistic movie
About a very unpleasant reality
You’ll make a very terrible piece of art
That will inevitably do well on IMDB.
Filed under Poems
Thank You Blink Cameras! (Not Sponsored, But Send Me Money Anyway)
It’s fun to be “Big Brother”
When you use your security cam
To watch your kitty on the couch
When you’re away visiting the fam.
It’s funny to spy on kitty
Even though kitty mostly sleeps.
I’ve realized my life is drama free…
And also perhaps we’re creeps?
Filed under Poems
But We’re Only 138 Minutes In!
When vision of the kingdom darkens
A call to rest echoes in halls of men.
The comforts of the evening nether harken
For to lengthy sleep we’re called again.
We shall not argue with the calling;
We shall not raise a blade to fight;
Instead our bodies start their falling
Into the cold embrace of night.
“Must this end in such a manner”
Asks my voice, naive and weak.
“Obey my call”, says the lady of the manor
And so follows the man, exhausted, meek.
Thus was my evening when my wife said
“Turn off Return of the King and come to bed.”
Filed under Poems
How She Shows Her Love
My wifey loves me uber much.
She said that I am cute.
She called me such a such and such
And catcalled my patoot.
She thinks my face is epic
And my body makes her flustered
And she’s making me a sandwich
With only mayonnaise and mustard.
Filed under Poems
Guest Poem by POTUS
I will start by saying
Haikus have five syllables
In the first and third lines.
Filed under Poems
Doggy DNA Tests (Or The National Origin Of The Chihuahua)
Huskies are Siberian.
Great Danes are German.
I’m not sure about yours though
Cause it’s merely a vermin.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 