If your life is a “1” out right now
When you’re dead it might be a “10,”
Like the ancient Greek guy, Thermos,
Who’s laughing his ass to death again.
No Accounting For Taste (97% Fiction)
Four days ago I wrote a post
That said my throat was sore.
It still is and I’m tired
And I’m snowed-in and I’m bored.
I’m wearing just a bathrobe
That’s drenched in day-old phlegm.
Still no luck with the gals on Tinder…
Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with them.
Filed under Poems
How I Read Political Posts
Today elected people
Did a thing I think is bad
And I want all my contacts
To be upset that I am sad.
I want my friends and followers
To hear my text-based whine.
If you’re not sympathetic
Then an argument’s also fine.
Seems An Odd Thing To Screw In
You ask about plumbers,
Bankers, musicians,
Comedians, Atheists,
Boxers, physicians.
You ask how many
Of each it would take
To screw in a lightbulb
For goodness sake!
You look for an answer
And I have one for you;
For each subgroup listed
You only need two.
How many it takes
Isn’t the question to say.
You ask how do you fit two people
In a lightbulb anyway?
Filed under Poems
Fortune and Glory
I wish I had a job
Like Indiana Jones
Where I could make good money
Examining human bones.
But Dr. Jones’s job
Is great in other ways
Like the fact he has no limit
To his paid vacation days.
I’m not an archaeologist
But a poet and musician,
And as I write I realize
I am in a position
To take endless vacation days
Like Dr. Jones would do.
“Travis T. and the Crystal Skull”
Coming soon to theatres near you.
Filed under Poems
The Sensitive Throat
I told my throat, in a way
That was very polite (so I thought)
That although it thought it’s work was satisfactory
Truthfully it was not.
I didn’t mean to hurt its feelings
As I tried to change its ways
But I guess I did ’cause now
My throat’s been sore for days.
Filed under Poems
And We All Know What Happens Next…
I’m sleepy, you’re sleepy.
We want to rest our heads
On pillows of fake feathers
On man-made plastic beds,
To cover up our bodies
With decorative textile sheets,
To halt electric lumination
And slow down our heartbeats.
We want our minds to wander
In the land of peaceful dreams
Until we gently are awakened
By sunlight’s gentle beams.
And so we go through the motions
To finally go to sleep,
We close our eyes a moment
And then our phone goes beep…
Filed under Poems
The Splatterpainted-Red-Canvas of Poetry, Expressed Through The Mediums of Brownish Colors, [Theoretically] Edible Birds, and Leavened Grain Objects, Vol.13, AKA Sundays
Beige chicken wonder bread!
Boredom flowing through my head.
Tan turkey whole wheat toast!
Today’s a better day than most.
Brown ostriche gluten free!
That’s a day that’s right for me.
Ochre phoenix sourdough!
Now it’s time for me to go.
(Semi-related food for thought: what would happen if you ate a phoenix)?
Filed under Poems
Beans and Dilemnas
Refried or jelly?
Happy taste buds or belly?
Eat what I want or what I should?
Why must shit food taste so good?
Filed under Poems
Weird Bob Gets Dumped
Fish don’t sweat
And cars don’t bleed.
Plants don’t poop
And dogs don’t read.
Knives don’t smile
And rocks don’t get lither.
Why should she care
If I don’t do that stuff either?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 