To get a job in the CIA
You just show up one day
And if nobody catches you
You’re a spy! That sounds okay…
But getting a job in the TSA
Is not so cut and dry
Because if you show up at all
Your boss will wonder why.
Tag Archives: America
Test Scores Declining = Ineffective Terminators
What if a time traveler became a teacher
And for a few decades or so
Just didn’t teach people to write
Because they already know
That AI will destroy the world
And our only hope are those
Who trained the AI how to write
Using their own terrible prose?
Filed under Poems
Dream Bigger, America!
Democrats are donkeys.
Republicans are elephants.
Libertarians are porcupines.
All this makes very little sense;
If a party chose a mascot
Like a dragon or a sphinx
They’d win every election
(Or so this poet thinks).
Filed under Poems
Mixed Opinions
“Greenland” is a name
That does not describe the place,
Like “United States”
Filed under Poems
When You Live In The USA (Instead Of China, Turkey, Israel, Chile, Chad, or Georgia, FYI)
So there’s a country named for plates
And one for Thanksgiving birds.
One country claims it is real
But misspelled the last two thirds.
One is hot peppers. One’s just a name.
One is a Southeastern state.
And we’re just three stupid letters
With no puns attached. This I hate.
Filed under Poems
English Empire? Hold My Beer…
We asked Canada to become a state
But they responded with only hate.
What was poor America to do
But extend the offer to Venezuela too?
Filed under Poems
The Redneck Reindeer
‘Twas the night after Christmas
And all through the crick
All the rednecks were calling
Old Francis a dick
‘Cause of all of the nights
To go hunting for deer
These nights are the very worst
Parts of the year.
He must’ve been drinking.
Why else would he look
For deer in the sky
And take the shot that he took?
Now all of the kiddies
Have stockings of air
‘Cause old Francis’s shotgun
Had pellets to spare.
But the crick kids were thankful
As they took a big bite
Of smoked red-nosed venison
On post-Christmas night.
Filed under Poems
Ode To Government Transparency
There once was REDACTED from REDACTED
Who REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED.
On REDACTED he said,
REDACTED in bed”
And REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED
Modern Detox
If you’re in need of a business idea
I have a suggestion for you:
An apartment complex for people who want
To live like 1992.
The rent will be $500 a month
And the internet’s 10 sites or so,
Your neighbors are friendly, their kids play outside,
And Roseanne’s your favorite show.
A black Friday toaster is 25 cents
And so is a Big Mac with fries
And you can get Cracker Jack from Cracker Barrel
And it comes with an actual prize!
Phones have a wire, movies are physical
And they need to be rewound.
Nostalgia is hot. Spending money is not.
Does not this idea seem sound?
Filed under Poems
The Only Kong Will Be Donkey
Some people want no kings
But I don’t think that’s proper
‘Cause when I feel hungry
I want to eat a Whopper.
I like Californian sports teams
And extra-roomy beds,
Good poker hands and Aragorn
And Starks who are also Neds.
A bunch of schools will have to change
Their mascots. Other things
Will cause unexpected results
If we really have no kings.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 