I will start by saying
Haikus have five syllables
In the first and third lines.
Tag Archives: America
“Housing Prices Are Becoming More Affordable” He Said Between Bites Of $50 Celery
In October I didn’t write any posts
And apparently all of my readers were ghosts.
This month I wrote things, and here’s how it went:
My views went up 234 percent!
See, when you take big things and make them real small
It doesn’t take very much effort at all
To make a small number look very excitin’
And that’s economics presented by Biden.
Filed under Poems
Watching The News
I, for one, am grateful
That 24 hours a day
I can turn a TV on
And learn I’m not ok
‘Cause someone in another state
Is angry and insisted
That the government fix an issue
That I didn’t know existed.
I’m glad I can be angry
On demand, and also wary
Now that I know a deadly thing
Is affirmed as “very scary”.
I’m also glad these stations
Are translated totally free
To whatever political language
Is most offensive to me!
We’re lucky seven corporations
Tell us the woes of corporate greed
While insuring that we’re well-informed
About what brand-name crap we need.
Anyway, I’m done complaining!
Now excuse me as I go
To learn about the trans kids
Swimming here from Mexico.
Filed under Poems
Hunter’s Ted Talk
Remember when we were in grade school
And the winner of every fight
Wasn’t the guy who said “I have infinity”
But “I have infinity plus one”, right?
Well yesterday my boss said “You’re fired”
And I said “No, I’m infinity fired plus one”
And now I’m on the board of directors
And also the president’s son!
Filed under Poems
Take That, Nukes!
One upside of weak, nerdy young people
Is that they’ll probably invent Mjolnir
But because they’re so weak, they can’t lift it
And thus we have nothing to fear.
Filed under Poems
On “Inciting Incidents”(Bonus Points If It Involves A Historical Artifact)
It doesn’t require much talent to be famous.
There really is near nothing to it
As long as you don’t care what they name us
And don’t care if you need to live through it.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere, In Their Parents’ Basement, Is An Overworked Game Designer Making Voting Machines
In every Pokemon game
The story is the same.
In Zelda, the main canon
Is the bad guy’s always Ganon.
So if you say that Russia
Is rigging elections, I’ll shush ya
‘Cause if anybody can
I’d guess the culprit is Japan.
Filed under Poems
Enough Is Enough
Why do we keep electing the people
Who think that it’s totally cool
To make a new law that requires a sign
That says “Wet Floor” and goes in the pool?
Filed under Poems
And Then We Got The Modern TSA…
‘Twas the night before National Report Medicare Fraud Day
And all of the drama
Happened in NYC
Largely due to Osama.
The planes were a flying
And the pilots were wild
And the towers that were twins
Became an only-child.
But alas, that new status
Was not long for this world
As another plane crashed
And tower two curled.
Then we heard men exclaim
As the tow’rs became soil:
“Yay American unity!
“Now let’s go steal some oil.”
Filed under Poems
The NBA Breathes A Sigh Of Relief…
One upside of trans acceptance
Is that in ten years women’s sports
Will probably make a profit
Now that men are on the courts.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 