Once again the footballs clashed
Between two well-paid teams
Who di athletic contest stuff
To countless fans’ screams
While corporations tried their best
To make us watch their ad
And all the Philedelphians
Are feeling pretty mad.
The winners were the chiefs, of course,
And also Jesus and beer.
Here’s to the beat Super Bowl ever
Until it happens again next year!
Filed under Poems
I think everything should be free
‘Cause I saw a speech on TV.
I’m glad that the rich
Agree they’re our bitch
And they’ll buy my whole wishlist for me!
Filed under Poems
There once was a balloon from China
That flew over North Carolina.
Some guy shot it down
And earned more renown
Than president Joe the Mangina.
Filed under Poems
I tried to take my emotional support rhino
On my flight to NYC
But they said I had to buy another seat…
So much for body positivity!
Filed under Poems
There once were eight teams
With ambitions and dreams
Of competing for Super Bowl glory.
The boring teams won
And we didn’t have fun
And that’s today’s NFL story.
Filed under Poems
If I had a peanut
For every time I had a dark thought
There we be fewer kids with allergies
And crematoriums would profit a lot.
Filed under Poems
You think because you aren’t paid well
And work a lot of hours
Doing work you don’t enjoy
And your outlook on life sours
That means you have a lousy job?
Your misery sorely pales
To the job of being the fish they feed
To the SeaWorld killer whales.
Filed under Poems
I asked my friend “If you could mix
“Any two animals, what would you choose?”
He said “The body of a human
“And the spirit of a goose.”
At first I thought him silly,
Maybe even a little dumb,
But now I think he’s a wizard
And I know where Californian drivers come from.
Filed under Poems
A week ago every TV ad
Showed deals on toys and tech.
Now the ads show deals
On food and weight loss. What the heck?
Oh, yeah! Because the year went up
It’s time to be a better you
And thanks to marketing execs
We’ll know just what to do:
Throw money at the products
That say you’ll have more time,
A slimmer waist and better feet
And less suburban crime.
You’ll save a baby elephant
If you buy our fancy knife
And thanks to free shipping (if you buy NOW)
You’ll live a better life.
I, for one, am grateful
To view these free educational shows.
Now excuse me while I lose some weight
And my magically regrows.
Filed under Poems
I heard some kids sing “Old McDonald”
Singing “With a moo moo here and a moo moo there,
“Here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo moo.”
Then I turned on the radio
And heard a 41-year-old sing
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.”
Children deserve more respect.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 