‘Twas 31 days before Halloween
And all through the shops
Christmas music was playing…
Should I call the cops?
Tag Archives: America
Bertha Lent Him The Razor
There once was a redneck named Darryl
Whose back hair was fiery and feral.
But he shaved it one year
‘Cause it drank all his beers
But hey shucks! Hair will do what hair’ll!
Filed under Poems
Also, I Won My Girl A Stuffed Llama, So I’m A Better Boyfriend Than You 😋
I went to the state fair today;
We ate scones and rolled in the hay.
We waited in line
Both to ride and to dine
But ‘twas worth it for plenty of play.
Filed under Poems
Episode 12: A New Hope
There once was a Seahawks QB
Who wore a shirt that said “3”.
The fans said “Oh no”
When they watched Russell go
But now they chant “Geno for me!”
Filed under Poems
Family Reunion In Alaska
At my parents’ house
Played board games and shot a bear
Like a kid again
Filed under Poems
Fro Yo, Before Black People Made That A Greeting/Hairstyle
Somebody once grabbed a cow by the teats
And sucked out the milk and called it good eats
But a little fermented and got full of germs
And people just couldn’t come to grips or terms
So they filled it with sugar and put fruit on the bottom
And sold it in little plastic cups, and folks bought ‘em.
Then someone froze it and, eyes all agleam,
Said “People should buy this instead of ice cream!”
Most of the world disagreed, but alas
White peoplee adored it and paid through the ass.
All over the country we now eat frozen yogurt
Like Iowans mow lawns, and Nevadans mow dirt.
Filed under Poems
She-Hulk, Attorney At Law
What if we made a TV show
For people who love manly heroes
That starred a green, feminist lawyer
And had a budget with multiple zeroes
Who lectures the characters we know and love
And faces no relevant threats?
Oh, and let’s call our core audience ‘bigots’
And see how many millions it nets!
Filed under Poems
Seriously… It’s On I-5 Exit 135. Now THAT Is Optimism
No matter how bad a day you had
You’re not as bad off as the guy
Who made an SOS out of rocks beneath the overpass
In case a savior might fly by.
Filed under Poems
Philosophy 101
Whatever you’ve heard, forget it!
Whatever you know, you don’t.
Everyone thinks they are brainy
But most of their brains grown’t.
Ignorance is epidemic.
No knowledge or sense can be common.
Now pay your tuition and fill out this form
And go back to your dorm and eat ramen.
Filed under Poems
Modern Conveniences
While I’m on the road
I shop for ammo online.
Times aren’t all that bad!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 