I showed up to a young singles event
In plate armor head-to-toe,
But the organizers said I looked Middle Aged
And so I had to go.
Tag Archives: Dating
And If She’s A Snail, We Might Go Back To Her Place
If I met an invertebrate
I’d probably try to flirt a bit.
I’d say “You look fine”
“With your lack of a spine“
Then possibly lift up her skirt a bit.
Filed under Poems
When She Bakes You Brownies On A First Date
Your eyes are as pink as the ocean.
Your hair is like marshmallow fluff.
I don’t know if our love is true yet
But I know that your drugs are real.
Filed under Poems
A Universal Truth
There are more stars in the sky
Than grains of sand on Earth,
But none we know of have life
For whatever that is worth.
This tells me that on Earth
Is just like in heaven:
Life doesn’t like solar systems
Under five-foot-eleven.
Filed under Poems
Betting On A Diamond
You couldn’t love a gambling man,
A pal who plays the odds,
Who shakes the dice and throws a wrench
In the plans of man and Gods.
You said you’d never take a chance
On a poker-faced son
But I’d bet if you took a chance
You’d find me pretty fun.
You used to ace your math exams.
You were the queen of school
But the odds weren’t in your favor
With Jack, the king of cool.
Jack would have told you “yes, of course”
If you asked him to dance
But no-go there! You didn’t dare
To take this simple chance.
So Jack’s bad luck’s my inside straight
So let me take the shot:
If you give me your hand of fate
You may just win a lot.
Filed under Poems
Relationship Goals
“Hey girl”, I texted.
“What’s up?” She replied.
Then I flashed back to the first three minutes of Pixar’s masterpiece, “Up”
And inevitably cried.
Filed under Poems
That Went Whale…
There once was a lovely young seal
Who captured my sea-mammal heart.
She had an adorable squeal
That made all my fantasies start.
I asked her to go for a drink with me
At a hip new place called “Chez Rubbing”.
But I scared her away. I’d forgotten
That seal babes aren’t fans of clubbing.
Filed under Poems
Jasmine Is Not A Fan Of Arabian Heat
Mohammed had a magic carpet
That very ably flew;
It could go zero to sixty
In precisely 8.2
But Aladdin had a carpet
With a sunroof and AC
So the choice of who to date
Was obvious to me!
Filed under Poems
Suck It, Hanging Gardens Of Babylon!
It rises like a mountain,
Slopes gently like a hill,
Softer than a lullaby
And gives me such a thrill;
A spectacle, a marvel,
And my mouth will never shut
As I gaze with loving splendor
On my girl’s majestic butt.
Filed under Poems
Chatting With The “Mirror Selfie” Girls…
Sometimes I look in the mirror
And see myself staring at me,
And when I clean the glass it gets clearer
And I know it’s my face that I see
And I look at myself and think “Wow!
“That’s expected, and not very shocking!”
And that, my dear lady, is what I perceive
And thus space out when you start talking.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 