I am an April snowman,
The last one of my kind.
My death is unavoidable
But honestly I don’t mind.
Death as I perceive it
Ain’t as bad as it might seem
Since to be a soggy carrot
Has, since childhood, been my dream.
Alas, I’m in Alaska
In the yukon, year-tound cold.
I’ve been around since Lincoln
Or so the story’s told.
My dreams seem unachievable
And thus I beg of you:
Please defund the EPA
And emit that CO2!
Filed under Poems
As a kid
I never dreamed
I’d win a Nobel Prize.
Never did I
Imagine it.
Never did I surmise
That I would be
A hero for
Bringing new ideas to light.
I didn’t think
I’d make it
And so far I’ve been right.
Filed under Poems
I wish I had a pirate ship
To show off to my neighbors,
To terrorize the waterways
And make legends of my labors.
I’d earn the love of ladies fair
And earn the lawmen’s hate.
Yes, I’d be the best damn pirate
In Arizona state.
Filed under Poems
Let me tell you
Of my beautiful dream
Were all types of rodents
Can block off a stream.
Where pets leave their cages
And go on the lam
To this new river city
We call Hamsterdam.
Filed under Poems
Her grew up studying ninjitsu.
He thought it would be fun
To join the teenage mutant turtles,
But he was 21.
Filed under Poems
If I were a mayfly
With but one day to live
I’d spend my only hours
Looking for ways to give,
And what better gift
Is there for a bunch of bugs
But a lifetime supply of happiness
In the form of chocolate Hugs.
I would build a factory
A milimeter high.
I’d hire and train the larvae
To work until they die.
I’d create a one-fly empire
To bring joy to me and you,
Only to have it crushed
By some human’s canoe.
So next time you are boating,
Running, swimming, or taking a hike
Think about the little guys
Before doing as you like,
‘Cause maybe the cure for cancer
Or diseases of another kind
Are hidden in the ephemeral
Ambitious mayfly’s mind.
If I were a Mayfly
I’d be the best fly I could be.
But alas, I’m not a fly,
So let’s go watch TV.
Filed under Poems
Gyration of the eyes and hips,
The longing of a thousand lips,
A table full of pop and chips,
And me there in the corner.
Five-hundred pairs of dancing shoes,
A playlist full of swing and blues,
And I’m in naught but tennis shoes
For lack of an adorner.
A dozen spinning disco lights,
Glow rods in their flinging flights,
Cast shadows o’er my lack of tights.
I pray I’m not discovered.
A shrieking piercing through my head!
I feel like I’m made of lead,
As I awaken in my bed
Where, yes, I am uncovered.
Filed under Poems
A vision achieved,
A dream come true,
And it’s coming
To a website near you!
I’ve promised at length
To take this blog far,
Whether through labor
Or a wish on a star.
Through a small bit of both
I’ve published a book!
And I want you, dear reader,
To have the first look.
By Valentines Day
It will be on the shelves,
Placed there by dozens
Of book-placing elves.
And once it’s available
You’ll have the full scoop.
‘Til then I leave you
With this poetical whoop…
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Follow your star
Wherever it leads.
Reap the fruits of desire
With your dreams as the seeds.
Follow your star
To your destiny’s stage.
Embrace life’s uniqueness,
Serenity, rage.
Follow your star
Into infinite space.
I just hope that it leads you
Far away from my face.
Filed under Poems
Saggy and immortal
Is how I want to be,
Drooping like a curtain
For all eternity,
For if I could live forever
Then why be thin? Pray tell!
It worked for Jabba the Hutt
And he did pretty well
(Although he missed his calling
Playing in the NFL).
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 