Tag Archives: Dumb

Brought To You By Guest Author “Cal Endar.” (Not Really)

I want to talk about the months

And where their names came from.

Please know all of these are true

Even if they sound dumb.

Jan and Ferb Uary

Were brothers who shared a belle.

Jan got mad and misspelled Ferb’s name

But it all ended up pretty well.

March is based on Mcdonald’s logo.

April was the belle Jan and Ferb liked.

May is a grammatically better version of “can.”

June’s the month that nobody liked.

July was Julie, but was sad about Ferb

And got misspelled too ’cause she was so stressed.

August was named by a Texan who

In his accent said the words “I guessed.”

September was God’s gift to calendar’s everywhere.

October was named by someone who thought Ctober was lame.

Nov and Dec Ember were also brothers

But are last in the year ’cause they both had a stupid name.

I hope you feel more knowledgable

About months, but you probably don’t.

I hope you share this with your friends

But if you’re a smart person you probably won’t.

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You CAN’t Win ‘Em All

If I CAN be CANdid

That which CAN be CANned

CAN make an author realize

That their idea doesn’t have

A logical and satisfying conclusion.

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Post First-Date Form Letter V 1.0

In fair Verona, long ago

Lived fair Juliet and her Romeo,

Two kids who, about each other, raved

And whom better communication skills could have saved.

For in a land where alchemists

Can make you look dead if your parents are pissed

Informing your partner of your choice to partake

In such a substance is a wise choice to make,

But neh! Knowing better, the 15 year old

Pair of lovers thought the others needn’t be told.

And thus was a theatrical masterpiece born

To suffice in an era with no access to porn.

This is why I didn’t call;

I just want our love to conquer all.

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Covfefe: Another Possible Story

I remember my dog

That I had as a lad.

We’d go to the water

And I’d swim with him.

I named him Covallion

Cause I thought it sounded hot.

Turns out he was a girl

So he/she became FeFe.

Cov/Fefe and I

Would eat cake by the lake.

Probably wasn’t healthy for her

But she’d still eat. It was neat!

Then Cov/Fefe died.

How she ate… It was fate.

This poem’s depressing,

But so’s the meme, it would seem.

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Somewhere, Just Beneath The Surface, Is Depth

Nothing says “hypocrite”

Like a guy saying “hypocrite.”

Nothing says “hippo crit”

Like large, lucky mammals.

Nothing says “pachyderm”

Like an yderm salesman’s boss,

And I suppose also

Some verbose plucky camels.

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But He Pronounced It Like “Hwipped”

Cream’s wife asked him

To go to the store.

Cream’s wife’s husband obeyed

Without asking what for.

Cream’s wife’s husband’s friend

Saw how the scales tipped

And he said to cream

“My God man, you’re whipped!”

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What Brings The Anarchist To Lakeside Honda Sales

Glass lake,

Calm… serene.

As still and blue

As has ever been.

Glass lake,

The world’s eighth wonder.

In the distance…

Is that thunder?

Thunder rolling

Ever nearer

As Glass lake

Gets ever clearer.

Thunder’s louder.

Thunder’s struck.

Turns out thunder

Is my truck.

Thunder truck

Plunges forth

From the woods

With a sound like “Vlorsh!”

Into Glass lake

Thunder zooms

The serenity is gone

Replaced by fumes.

The ripples spread

As Thunder does sink.

That wasn’t as fun

As I would I would think…

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But What Does Salt Smell Like Anyway?

I danced a sappy sort of waltz-

The type that’s rife with lots of schmaltz.

The I passed out, demonstrating my faults.

That’s why I’m grateful for smellingsalts.

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Proof That Money Is Meaningless

$$$ $$ $ $$$$$$$

$$$$ $$ $$$$$ $$$.

$$$$ $$$ $ $$ $$$$$$:

$$$ $$$$ $$$$$!

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How I Read Political Posts

Today elected people

Did a thing I think is bad

And I want all my contacts

To be upset that I am sad.

I want my friends and followers

To hear my text-based whine.

If you’re not sympathetic

Then an argument’s also fine.

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