If I CAN be CANdid
That which CAN be CANned
CAN make an author realize
That their idea doesn’t have
A logical and satisfying conclusion.
Tag Archives: Dumb
Post First-Date Form Letter V 1.0
In fair Verona, long ago
Lived fair Juliet and her Romeo,
Two kids who, about each other, raved
And whom better communication skills could have saved.
For in a land where alchemists
Can make you look dead if your parents are pissed
Informing your partner of your choice to partake
In such a substance is a wise choice to make,
But neh! Knowing better, the 15 year old
Pair of lovers thought the others needn’t be told.
And thus was a theatrical masterpiece born
To suffice in an era with no access to porn.
This is why I didn’t call;
I just want our love to conquer all.
Filed under Poems
Covfefe: Another Possible Story
I remember my dog
That I had as a lad.
We’d go to the water
And I’d swim with him.
I named him Covallion
Cause I thought it sounded hot.
Turns out he was a girl
So he/she became FeFe.
Cov/Fefe and I
Would eat cake by the lake.
Probably wasn’t healthy for her
But she’d still eat. It was neat!
Then Cov/Fefe died.
How she ate… It was fate.
This poem’s depressing,
But so’s the meme, it would seem.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere, Just Beneath The Surface, Is Depth
Nothing says “hypocrite”
Like a guy saying “hypocrite.”
Nothing says “hippo crit”
Like large, lucky mammals.
Nothing says “pachyderm”
Like an yderm salesman’s boss,
And I suppose also
Some verbose plucky camels.
Filed under Poems
But He Pronounced It Like “Hwipped”
Cream’s wife asked him
To go to the store.
Cream’s wife’s husband obeyed
Without asking what for.
Cream’s wife’s husband’s friend
Saw how the scales tipped
And he said to cream
“My God man, you’re whipped!”
What Brings The Anarchist To Lakeside Honda Sales
Glass lake,
Calm… serene.
As still and blue
As has ever been.
Glass lake,
The world’s eighth wonder.
In the distance…
Is that thunder?
Thunder rolling
Ever nearer
As Glass lake
Gets ever clearer.
Thunder’s louder.
Thunder’s struck.
Turns out thunder
Is my truck.
Thunder truck
Plunges forth
From the woods
With a sound like “Vlorsh!”
Into Glass lake
Thunder zooms
The serenity is gone
Replaced by fumes.
The ripples spread
As Thunder does sink.
That wasn’t as fun
As I would I would think…
Filed under Poems
But What Does Salt Smell Like Anyway?
I danced a sappy sort of waltz-
The type that’s rife with lots of schmaltz.
The I passed out, demonstrating my faults.
That’s why I’m grateful for smellingsalts.
Filed under Poems
Proof That Money Is Meaningless
$$$ $$ $ $$$$$$$
$$$$ $$ $$$$$ $$$.
$$$$ $$$ $ $$ $$$$$$:
$$$ $$$$ $$$$$!
Filed under Poems
How I Read Political Posts
Today elected people
Did a thing I think is bad
And I want all my contacts
To be upset that I am sad.
I want my friends and followers
To hear my text-based whine.
If you’re not sympathetic
Then an argument’s also fine.
A Very Factual Excuse
A monstrous weasel murdered me
Yesterday around 8:00.
It was rather inconvenient
Which is why this poem’s so late.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 