Whoever decided “Present”
Should mean both “gift” and “now”
As well as “here” like “I am here”
And “here” like “take this cow”
Should be presented with a present
If they’re present in the present
‘Cause their presence in the past
Makes the present present as unpleasant.
They say there’s no “I” in team
Which makes me want to scream
‘Cause there’s no “I” in “eye”
Nor in “aye”, “fly”, “guy”, “spy”,
So it’s not as mundane as would seem.
Filed under Poems
I’m not lying. I’m just saying
That you appear as if you’re weighing
More than your real weight suggests…
Ok, you do look fat in that dress.
Filed under Poems
This is Spot.
Spot is a dog.
Spot spots his “spot spot”
(Where spot peed on a log).
Spot spotted Spot’s “spot” spot
In Spot’s “spot spot” spot
But Spot’s spotter, Miss Potter,
Alas spotted not.
Since Miss Potter missed Spot’s spot,
In an act of good will
Spot pointed Miss Potter
But she spotted-not still.
Spot spotted Miss Potter
(His Spotter) her pay
And Spot spotted his “spot spot”
And sped on his way.
Filed under Poems
One of the benefits of being a poet
Is apparently you qualify
To go to a local high school
And coach (read “attempt to mollify”)
Some local pageant princesses
Who have to learn a speech
Because if you know English
You do not do; You teach!
Filed under Poems
I am both a poet and nerd
And I learned a most interesting word:
It’s definition: “To beat
“An object with a stick.” Neat?
The word, as I learned it, is “Yerd”.
Filed under Poems
For every book ever written
And every food ever bitten
There’s that one guy who is not admittin’
He doesn’t know how to pronounce the word “chitin”.
Filed under Poems
If I could have dinner with anyone
From any point in history
I would choose the guy who decided
How to spell the animal “Bee”.
Filed under Poems
If you use words like “Erudite”,
“Perspicacious”, or “Inscrutable”
In Connecticut you’re charming
But in Florida you’re shootable.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 