I used to be a beat cop
For the city of LA,
Busting heads and taking names
And shutting crooks away.
I had a code of honor
That would supersede the law…
That was me, the sexy renegade,
The American Eagle’s claw.
But though I stood at six-foot-ten
And had zero body fat,
Had six-pack abs and a .44 mag,
A badge and all of that
I knew my name was whispered
In every darkened alley
And I still could not see why
My parents chose to name me “Sally.”
Filed under Poems
Chapped lips, dry skin,
Hair without a bobby pin,
Baggy pants, hairy pits,
A shirt that hides any sign of tits,
Spotty face, mustache line,
Eau de toilette called “big ass pine,”
A house that others call a sty:
Just another great day of being a guy!
Filed under Poems
Give a man a fish,
You’ll feed him for a day
Unless that man’s a vegan
In which case his death’s okay.
But teach a man to fish
(Be him Vegan or otherwise)
And if he gets married he’ll be grateful
And he’ll think you very wise.
Filed under Poems
I splatter unborn baby birds
Onto a burning pan
And eat them with some cattle flesh.
It’s great to be a man!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 