Tag Archives: Manly

I Heard It Through The Bovine

Ferdinand was a peaceful bull

And we all cherish his story,

But why can’t we give other bulls

Their fair share of the glory?

Just ‘cause bulls are big and strong

And make their targets gory

Doesn’t mean we all should be deprived

Of the tales of Bloody Cory.

Cory was a little bull

But with a giant’s rage.

They say he killed a hundred clowns

Before he left his cage

But the idiots in power

Who control the ratings gauge

Decided Cory’s story

Wasn’t for the those of younger age.

The older audiences

Would have loved our vicious bull

On a silver screen starring Charlie Sheen

With songs by Jethro Tull,

But the studios made their sequels

And Cory’s script execs did pull

And little Cory’s path to glory

Was rendered void and null.

But you, dear reader, have a gift:

A peek into the truth,

The knowledge of a future steer

In his ungodly youth

And if you eat a steak tonight

With a glass of vermouth

I hope you think of Cory

And his doings so uncouth.

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Sue Can Empathize

I used to be a beat cop

For the city of LA,

Busting heads and taking names

And shutting crooks away.

I had a code of honor

That would supersede the law…

That was me, the sexy renegade,

The American Eagle’s claw.

But though I stood at six-foot-ten

And had zero body fat,

Had six-pack abs and a .44 mag,

A badge and all of that

I knew my name was whispered

In every darkened alley

And I still could not see why

My parents chose to name me “Sally.”

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Life Without Makeup

Chapped lips, dry skin,

Hair without a bobby pin,

Baggy pants, hairy pits,

A shirt that hides any sign of tits,

Spotty face, mustache line,

Eau de toilette called “big ass pine,”

A house that others call a sty:

Just another great day of being a guy!

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[Insert Fish Pun Here]

Give a man a fish,

You’ll feed him for a day

Unless that man’s a vegan

In which case his death’s okay.

But teach a man to fish

(Be him Vegan or otherwise)

And if he gets married he’ll be grateful

And he’ll think you very wise.

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Steak and Eggs

I splatter unborn baby birds

Onto a burning pan

And eat them with some cattle flesh.

It’s great to be a man!

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