They said in school that GDP
(Or Gross Domestic Product)
Was a measure of economic power.
But this makes more sense to me
(For Gross Domestic Product).
Please excuse me as I go take a shower.
Tag Archives: food
Your Chance To Lose Money Is Finally Here! (Hi Clive)
You could put your money on the Cleveland Browns
For Super Bowl Any-time-in-the-future,
But that wouldn’t help anyone,
Let alone this poetic moocher.
Instead I’ve got a different way
To part ways with your cash
Which is by going to my Patreon
And putting it in my stash.
To those of you whose common sense
Says “but money is important”
And the thought of spending it seems, to you,
A little bit abhorrent
I’d point out that your cash will go
To helping me survive.
Nothing’s really better than supporting the arts
Except, perhaps, being named “Clive.”
But since my name is David
And your name’s probably not Clive either
Hop on over to Patreon
Like you’re an eager beaver.
If you don’t pay, the poems won’t stop;
You’ll still get these Travesties daily.
The only difference is, to get my food,
I won’t have to resort to a gladiatorial melee.
(Which is good because I’m skinny and bruise easily).
Filed under Poems
Yours Truly Goes To A Restaurant
Whether you like mozzarella
Or “anything, as long as its yella”
If you say thank-a-you and please
Then come on down and have some cheese!
We’ve got cheese from cows and goats,
From naked sheep and sheep with coats,
From pigs and deer and even moles.
How much? Bowls and bowls and bowls!
It tastes like heaven. You can check!
It makes the hairs stand on your neck.
And if you melt it… oh, where to begin!
Oh, wait, sorry… you’re vegan…
Filed under Poems
I’m (Almost) Too Hungry To Shamelessly Plug…
Today my only meal
Was half a can of sour grapes,
Fortified by some shampoo
And a bit of rattlesnake.
I would’ve snapped a photo
But I figure no one’d look…
This could’ve been avoided
If you’d only bought my book!
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Still Better Than Veganism
Were I a can of cheese
Sitting softly on the shelf
I would live a peaceful life,
Like a stereotypical fantasy elf.
I would not fear to be consumed,
Nor to expire or lose my hair.
I would be orange and insubstantial,
Pressured only by compressed air.
And then one fateful afternoon
Should someone spread me out
And eat me, I can surely say
I’ll probably make them pout.
Yes, the life of cheese-in-a-can
Is an underrated goal:
Such is my conclusion.
I hope you found this droll.
Filed under Poems
Something’s Fishy… And Also Gummy
If you teach men to fish
You’ll feed them forever,
But I find that sometimes
It’s a fruitless endeavor.
I taught fishing in Sweden
But to my dismay
They were still eating candy
The very next day.
Filed under Poems
Steak and Eggs
I splatter unborn baby birds
Onto a burning pan
And eat them with some cattle flesh.
It’s great to be a man!
Filed under Poems
Or Crack Some Eggs… SORRY! I DIDN’T MEAN IT! AAAAAAH!
“You can’t make an omelette
Without craking a bag
Of artificial egg-substitute flakes
That lack allergic red flags
And don’t indirectly harm animals
Like your processed foods do.”
I don’t much care for
Vegan analogies. Do you?
Filed under Poems
If I Order A Bacon Cheeseburger In Canada What Will I Get?
Is bacon in Canada
Canadian bacon?
Is a pig in Guinea
A guinea pig?
Is this issue important
Like I seem to be makin’
Or is it an issue
Not nearly so big?
Filed under Poems
Were Their Deaths For Nothing?!
Many chickens died today
To feed both me and you.
That makes me feel a little bad
For cooking turkey stew.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 