At what age can you no longer say
“Do you want to be friends?” to a stranger?
It seems to be somewhere between six and 90
And otherwise they call you “Danger”.
But I think the world would be happier
If we’d ask to be friends way more often.
Sure, they can say “no”, but give it some time
And society will soon start to soften.
Filed under Poems
Women will talk to their friends
About what their friends would say
If they knew what someone whose not their friend
Said “Hi” instead of “Hey”.
They’ll whisper all about a person’s
Clothes or hair or walk.
Guys don’t have this problem
Because male friends don’t talk.
Some of my friends are Hearts,
Full of love and kind and soft.
Other friends are Diamonds,
All rich and perfectly coiffed.
Some of my friends are Clubs
‘Cause they’re blunt and like to drink.
But I don’t yet know any Spades
Or anything relevant that rhymes with drink.
Filed under Poems
When I look at you
I see the stars in your eyes,
Round and full of love
And the same blue as the sky’s.
I see your lips, so ruby red
That whisper sweet lies
And I know you’re the only one.
Your hair is like a waterfall
Caressing my cheek.
The joy I feel around you
Makes my eyes spring a leak.
If I could only find the words
I know that I’d speak
To tell you you’re the only one.
You’re the only one
Who brings color to my world,
Who’s cooler than the winter
And more lovely than the fall.
The only one so beautiful
I cannot believe
That I feel no attraction at all.
You have an angel’s heart
And a siren’s sweet voice.
My apathy towards you
Cannot be by choice.
Maybe it has to do
With how you say “nice” as “noice.”
Whatever reason, you’re the only one.
You might just be an angel
Spreading joy to the land
The light of the world flowing
From the palm of your hand.
In spite of your perfection
You simply must understand
That you’re literally the only one.
The only one that leaves me
Feeling dry in my pants,
Uninspired to sing
And unwilling to dance.
You’re like an inconsistent meter
From one stanza to the next,
Which perhaps is why, from me,
You always will go un-sexed.
You’re the only one
To walk across a fire for me.
You’re maybe my only true love,
Destined for all time is you and me.
And so as this song/poem
Finds itself so near it’s end
Know that literally everyone turns me on
But you’re the only “just a friend.”
I’m the type of friend
That gets called at 3:00 AM
By a buddy in a ditch
Needing someone to help them.
I’m the type of friend
Who will drive a hundred miles
At 90 miles an hour
To see tears turn into smiles.
I’m the type of friend
Who hits pedestrians
Because I do not sleep.
Yep, I’m that type of friend.
Filed under Poems
I look at you like you’re not even there.
I open you when I’m hot.
You shield me from the wind and rain.
Worthy, I am not.
You bring light to my little world,
Operate my computer.
You’re a wallflower in full bloom.
You make me see astuter.
When you’re dirty, you don’t complain.
You’d take a bullet for me.
You’re always there when I wake up.
Through you, the world I see.
Forget you, windows, I can’t. I won’t.
You have panes so that I don’t.
Filed under Poems
I awoke with ruffled feathers
On the wrong side of the nest.
A lonely aching filled my heart
Which strained beneath my chest.
I wanted to fly away from here.
Anywhere would do,
But as I spread my wings I found
My group had become two.
Yes indeed, my morning flight
Was joined by some new bird,
And as soon as I had noticed thus
My flock attained a third.
I road the wind below the pair,
The strangers in my sky,
Trying to escape again,
Perhaps to go and die.
And then the birds gave me a caw
And the sun began to rise,
And that is when this lonely bird
Did come to realize
What a difference can be made
By an extra pair of eyes.
Filed under Poems
A dog should be your best friend.
A dog could be your pal.
Alas, it seems that most dogs
Are primitive and banal.
Then I looked at people
And all of my human friends
And I saw that they, like dogs
Have behavior that needs the mends.
Both parties are prone to eat to much,
And they both crave attention.
Both are oddly furry
And deserve a day’s detention.
So I suppose that friends and dogs
At times can be quite trite,
But I’d not give up on either,
For I love both with all my might.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 