I read an inspiring article
About how blue whales reproduce.
Apparently, they interbreed with fin whales
Who are not as large or recluse.
The fact that these largest of animals
Might bring their endangerment to an end
Gives me hope. It should give you hope too
That a blue whale might be your girlfriend.
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We’ve got our boots and fresh white snow.
We’re in the car and off we go!
We’re gonna ski until the sun
Is dark, we’re cold, and then we’re done.
We’re going to slide across the ice
First left, then right, a swish, a slice,
Until we say “I’ve got this, ace!”
That’s when we’ll fall right on our face.
We’re wet and weak, our feet are sore.
We cannot ski a minute more.
We’re in the car, a happy mess
And that’s how we define success.
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It’s fun to be “Big Brother”
When you use your security cam
To watch your kitty on the couch
When you’re away visiting the fam.
It’s funny to spy on kitty
Even though kitty mostly sleeps.
I’ve realized my life is drama free…
And also perhaps we’re creeps?
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Fuzzy blanket, blue as the sky,
Upon the couch on which I lie,
You’re soft and warm upon my skin
And where you end does the world begin,
And so I huddle ‘neath your sheet
To keep the warmth and trap the heat
Until the dawn, so cruel and bright,
Will slay the peaceful starry night.
Fuzzy blanket from Bass Pro Shops,
You’re where my imaginary foe stops,.
My bastion from a lukewarm room,
You cast away the stagnant gloom.
Eight feet long and six feet wide
You hold me tight, wrap me inside.
All I love more than your pale blue
Is that you’re big enough for two.
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I’m grateful for puppies
That eat the whipped cream
That we spray on their paws while they sleep,
I’m grateful for holidays
That involve candy
But nowhere to be seen is a Peep,
I’m grateful for readers
Who tolerate poems
That are four lines or less when I’m tired,
And I’m grateful for days
With a built-in theme
Because I can pretend I’m inspired.
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Today I woke at 5:00 AM
To play a video game
Where I got to go to school
With a crocodile made of flame
And ride a living, dragon motorcycle
Far across the land,
Throwing balls at animals
So they’re at my command.
I took a day off work for this,
Ignored my social life,
Forgot to take a shower with
The girl who’ll be my wife.
All this is the triumph
Of a fully grown adult
Whose parents never let him buy
A pumpkin catapult.
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Sitting by the fire
And my Seahawks won today.
Long day, short poem.
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Two tiny dancing flames,
Twin wicks of a pink candle
That smells like the ocean,
Flickering, twisting,
Casting their glow on the ceiling,
Inspiring the curtains to surrender
And burst into their own dancing flames.
Soon the carpet dances
And the furniture and the lawn.
A pretty red truck arrives,
Singing a merry two-note song
And the men from the calendar
Let water join the festivity.
Somewhere nearby, a cat
Sits in a tree, unrescued
While the humans are upset
And the flames cherish the day,
Their last and finest,
Until the next little candle hosts a ball.
I places 3rd out of 4 teams
At the cornhole tournaments.
I scored 6 points in two games
And I’ve felt so manly since.
I also walked in a cardboard box
And fell on my cardboard face.
That’s a Wednesday afternoon
At my Summer place!
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Today I played some rock and roll
‘Til ten o’clock at night,
Then when outside to watch a comet
In his fiery flight,
Drank some cool tap water
That soothed a tired throat
And pondered why the universe
Decided ducks should float.
Some of this was worldly
And some was wild and rough
And some was almost childish
But not nearly enough.
So when you watch the news and think
The world has gone to hell
I hope you play some rock and roll
‘Til ten o’clock as well.
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The Daily Travesty 