My aunt installed some software
From an disreputable source
And it wreaked havoc on her life
(As these things do, of course).
Turns out it gave her pink-eye,
So in case you’re not aware
This is the first case of illness caused
By aunt eye-virus software.
Filed under Poems
I believe in a world without sin,
Where nobody’s mean and we all fit in,
A world without sorrow or famine or fear
But it doesn’t have cake, so I’m fine staying here.
Filed under Poems
Once some Spartans got bored
And one of them grabbed a sword.
They said “We can stab you
“Or instead spear you too”
And thus democracy was restored.
Filed under Poems
Tonight we watched 300
(My wife and I, that is).
I learned of Leonidas
And the courage that was his
To lead a band of brothers
To their deaths love and freedom.
My wife also enjoyed the abs
And told me that I need ‘em.
Filed under Poems
I’m living life in such a way
That if anybody would
Try to steal my brain for science
Science would say, “No thanks, I’m good.”
Filed under Poems
If at first you don’t succeed
Claim that you have higher need
Then take your handouts from the gov
‘Til bombs start dropping from above.
Filed under Poems
The most popular names of 2023
Were Olivia and Oliver.
I can’t wait ‘til gen Alpha has kids
And those names become “Bigtiddygoth” and “Watermoliver“.
Filed under Poems
There once was an immortal deity
Who in a moment of gaiety
Said “Make them eat every day
“And then poop it away”
And angels sighed and said “So may it be.”
Filed under Poems
We were born in an America
Where if you TP a house
You’re arrested not for vandalism
But for cultural appropriation
Since some white chick heard “teepee”
And her grandmother was 1/8th Cherokee
And African Americans invented toilet paper
So you’re screwed either way.
Filed under Poems
They told me “Sit in the basement”.
They asked me to heat their water.
They failed to think of what happens
If my willpower starts to totter,
If the pressure gets to be too much
And I blow my top all over them.
Well, I’ll show them a hard time
Tomorrow morning at 4:00ish AM!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 