Tag Archives: Humor

‘Fro Zen

The snow glows white in Chicago tonight.
Not a footprint to be found.
A kingdom of isolation
And my car’s in the impound.

The wind was howling and my tank was running low.
Sure, my parking place may have been yellow…
I won’t give in, Mitsubishi,
I’ll be the badass the streets demand I be.
Conceal, don’t feel, just pay the fee

Mirage LE…

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold my ride anymore
Let it go, let it go
Give me keys, unlock the door.
I don’t care what they’re going to say
So a hydrant’s blocked?
The fires never bothered me anyway.

It’s funny how Chi-town’s police force can be so white and small
And the laws that once controlled me can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
The ticket’s free!

Let it go, let it go
I will hop in my car and drive
Let it go, let it go
You won’t take me alive
Stamp the gas and I’ll peel away
Let the storm rage on

My drive train puts me through the air then to the ground
My wheels are spiraling on f***ing black ice all around
And one thought rises as I almost crap my pants…
Extended warranty… I really missed my chance!

Let it go, let it go
As I careen across some dude’s lawn
Let it go, let it go
Now I think my bumper’s gone
As they read my rights I know I’m ok…
I’ll get community service
As long as I mention I’m black and gay.

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Mrs. Doubtfire, Or Your Girl’s High School Sports Team?

There once was a comedy movie

About a guy who loved kids, and for proof he

Dressed up like a girl

And changed some kid’s world

And everyone said that it’s groovy.

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When You’ve Had Enough Of These Idiots, But You’re In The Middle Of A Raid

Some call it soda.

Some call it pop.

Some call it cola.

I tell them to stop.

They call me a downer,

A prophet of doom

So I logged off my game

And I left my room.

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Past, No Presents, And Eternity

The saddest nights in history

Are probably the fall of Rome,

The night you watch the start of “Up”,

And when Santa worked from home.

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Pope Or Pookums… Choose Wisely

When old ladies are lonely

And they need some warmth and love

They have a pair of choices:

They can seek help from above

Or they can buy a bunch of cats.

Whichever one they pick

Usually results in them

Becoming a catholic.

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Still Better Than Modern Pop

Yesterday

All my motivation went away

Now I’m writing you this poem today,

A parody

Of yesterday.

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A Brain Teaser

If you’re thinking too much

About overthinking

Then I think that you think

That your thinking is sinking

Your chance to think straight

And straight thoughts slink away

And by thinking of slinking

You’ll think of a way

To link up your thinking

And think slinking thoughts

‘Til you out-think the thinkers,

Both humans and bots.

If you understand this

Your thinking is zen,

But if you think you’re done thinking

Then you’d best think again.

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A Potion For Happiness

Start with a cold cup of water

With an ice cube or two to be sure,

Then pour in some lemon and iodine

And crack in an egg, raw and pure.

Whisk it with vigor and emphasis

Then plop in a gobbet of spit.

Your potion is done! Now go find someone,

And into their face you toss it!

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What? You’re Not Immediately Buying My Books? I Guess The Stock Music And Multiracial Couples From The TV Do Something After All…

There once was a guy and his dog

And they read limericks on a blog.

Now he’s married to a hotty

And he drives a bugatti

And he owns a sweet mansion in Prague.

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Thus, I Accepted My Fate

The dragon loomed above me

Drooling volcanic spittle.

He said to me “I’ll spare your life

“If you answer me this riddle.”

Then I saw the dragon smile,

Its eyes a golden sheen:

“What’s harder to fix? The government

“Or the McDonald’s ice cream machine?”

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