If we make all words
Inappropriate to say
Kids will talk at birth.
Tag Archives: Language
Europe
If yous adde a bunche if extras lietters
Tou wordse, butx theiy’re alle silente
Yous maiye beye a french personne.
Meanwhileingermanyaddingspacesisviolent
Filed under Poems
English
If “baby” is an infant
And “baby” means a loved one
And “baby” is taking care of people
And “baby” is an easily-offended someone
Then the act of taking care of
A weak beloved child
Is to baby your baby baby baby
And baby, I think that’s wild!
Filed under Poems
Linguistic History 101
I love how someone decided
That they could just combine
Two words and make another word
And act like it was fine.
So came about such portmanteaus
As “Sandpaper” and “Sweatshirt”,
And even though no harm was done
I’m feeling kind of butt-hurt.
And how come some compound words
Need to be hyphenated?
Like cross-eye, but not loveseat?
Is anyone else devastated?
Apparently the jury’s out
And no one cares but me.
I think I’ll solve this once and for all
By founding Germany.
Filed under Poems
Doublespeak (Or How I Learned To Stop Talking And Accept That I’m Wrong)
“Awesome” means “Good” now.
“Good” now means “Fair”.
“Okay” means “I’m lousy”.
“Lousy” means “In Despair”.
“Gold plans“ are baseline;
“Platinum” is normal.
Shirts are for business
And blue jeans are formal.
“Nothing” means “Something”
And “Yes” can mean “No”
But y’all still jump to conclusions
When I said “She’s a hoe.”
Filed under Poems
Confessions of a Former Spelling Bee Champion
There once was a guy named Kibau
Who lived on a farm with a plough.
He once swore a vow
Never once to say “Ciao”
And you get the point: Spelling is stupid.
Filed under Poems
Hence, The Dictionary
When you really think about it
All language came about
Because some caveman somewhere
Thought “Maybe I should shout
“A bunch of random nonsense,”
And someone from out of town
Thought “That would make a boring book;
“I’d better write it down!”
Filed under Poems
Intro to International Business
To effectively communicate
Online in Japanese
You must memorize 2,000
Unique symbols called Kanjiis
As well as two whole alphabets
One-hundred seven letters each.
These are the fundamentals
And the first things people teach.
To converse online in English
Is an entirely different tale…
Just memorize the following:
“Like,” “Your mom,” and “Epic fail.”
Filed under Poems
Guess Which One Is Double-Majoring In Sociology?
I said “I’m learning Spanish
“‘Cause I fear soon it will be vital.”
She said “I’m learning Japanese
“To watch anime without subtitles.”
He said “I’m learning German
“Because I hate punctuation.”
Zhe said “I’m learning Gaelic
“Cause I’m a man who wants to experience menstruation.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 