Tag Archives: Language

Pulling Out The Good…?

When Chinese people

Want to eat on fancy plates

What are those plates called?

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One Letter Off

I said she smelled flagrant

And her mood got all wrecked.

It didn’t help when I said to her

“Autocorrect.”

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The Expendable Letters

The letters Z and X, 

And also Q and C,

Left the alphabet one day

In a flight of misery.
They knew they were superfluous,

That they could not make a sound

Unique and unimitatible

By the other 22 letters around.
And so we started seeing

Other letters filling in.

K and S hung out in a hotel lobby

Until J jekked them in.
The letters had more duties,

And had to get more brainy.

S started having seizures 

Filling in for words like “zany.”
Eventually, they all came back

After things came to a head.

Alas, Q was still useless

And Z wanted to be called “Zed.”
X declared a monopoly

On marking spots on a map.

And poor old C remained

Just the first piece of Crap.

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Miss’ng Someth’ng

Just because you shouldn’t
Doesn’t mean you can’t.
You can write down “shalln’t”
Even though it should be “shan’t.”

You can rob a bakery,
Though prudent be, it wouldn’t,
And if you weren’t successful there
Argue with the cops you couldn’t.

I learned these things and many more,
And whether I should’ve or shouldn’t
You can’t and shan’t and shouldn’t say
I ain’t too good a stud’nt.

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He Waited a Long Time

I don’t want to learn French,
Russian, Greek, or Spanish
‘Cause when Esperanto hits the news
Those languages will vanish

And everyone will be at peace
And speak identically,
And when they do, I’m telling you,
It’ll be a sound to see.

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