Eye halve know aye Dia
Howe thoughs hoo dew knot no
How-to spellin’ English
Kant fig your it out, sew
Threw this Han dee poem
I salve Mai own dill Emma.
Hi expect, inn learning spannish
Their Will bee Noooooo! problema.
Tag Archives: Language
Why The French Make Good High-Rollers
You may look real classy
In your souped-up chassis
And yet prove to be asses
When you read “chassis” as chasses.
Filed under Poems
A Missed Onomatopoeia
Whoever invented the word “tickle”
Made a fatal flaw.
They should have called it “squirch,”
‘Cause that’s how it feels to moi.
Filed under Poems
Pulling Out The Good…?
When Chinese people
Want to eat on fancy plates
What are those plates called?
Filed under Poems
One Letter Off
I said she smelled flagrant
And her mood got all wrecked.
It didn’t help when I said to her
“Autocorrect.”
Filed under Poems
The Expendable Letters
The letters Z and X,
And also Q and C,
Left the alphabet one day
In a flight of misery.
They knew they were superfluous,
That they could not make a sound
Unique and unimitatible
By the other 22 letters around.
And so we started seeing
Other letters filling in.
K and S hung out in a hotel lobby
Until J jekked them in.
The letters had more duties,
And had to get more brainy.
S started having seizures
Filling in for words like “zany.”
Eventually, they all came back
After things came to a head.
Alas, Q was still useless
And Z wanted to be called “Zed.”
X declared a monopoly
On marking spots on a map.
And poor old C remained
Just the first piece of Crap.
Filed under Poems
Miss’ng Someth’ng
Just because you shouldn’t
Doesn’t mean you can’t.
You can write down “shalln’t”
Even though it should be “shan’t.”
You can rob a bakery,
Though prudent be, it wouldn’t,
And if you weren’t successful there
Argue with the cops you couldn’t.
I learned these things and many more,
And whether I should’ve or shouldn’t
You can’t and shan’t and shouldn’t say
I ain’t too good a stud’nt.
Filed under Poems
He Waited a Long Time
I don’t want to learn French,
Russian, Greek, or Spanish
‘Cause when Esperanto hits the news
Those languages will vanish
And everyone will be at peace
And speak identically,
And when they do, I’m telling you,
It’ll be a sound to see.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 